Codependent Hellpit

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         I just don't understand it. How an entire family can be oblivious to their need for validation and ignoring other's will and desires. For example, when my husband's grandmother came up to me and squeezed me, and said she was so sorry that she didn't visit me when she came to my city a few days ago, she was busy, yada yada. As if I CARED if she came, as if I actually wanted her to visit. It really didn't make a difference to me, because we had no close relationship at all. Every time I see her it is spent with her telling me all about her problems and begging me to visit more because she needs a friend. When did she ever show interest in me? Never. 

           But that wasn't only her. It was everyone! I barely know my husband's side because they are all so damn disconnected from each other, and when they come together they pretend to be loving to everyone. When it is obvious that his aunt does not give a fart about his family, and when she is introduced to me for the FIRST time even though I've been married for two years, she smiles and says nice to meet you and then just walks away without another word.

          It is like they are all scared of true intimacy, and cannot be bothered to attempt to get close. They sit on their own sides of the table, and do every day talk and complaints to their same people that they see daily, instead of getting to know the ones they rarely see. 

          And my husband's mother and sisters, whom I haven't spoken to in months because of how awkward I feel around them, totally ignore this fact and pretend all is normal when I go over to them and give an obligatory hello. Even though they wish they can hold my daughter and chatter at her, they won't ask what is going on with me or for permission to play with her. Since they cannot act appropriate and let us be, I am glad they are not in my daughter's life. 

         My husband told me that they told him they think I don't like his father, and that means I am not friends with them either. They accept it. It is true that I am fed up with his father's nagging him to question my decision to move away, as I have told him I don't appreciate him talking about me behind my back and that he should tell me if he has an issue with me, but this does not mean that they have to pretend everything is good and not ask me what made me upset. And then they go on smiling and talking with me about shallow things such as where we got a dress.

       I am fed up with my husband's side and their passive aggressive behaviors.

       Adoptee Protest

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