Duality and Relationships
I have seen that when people deal with their problems inside, they can have duality built within and then do not look for others to complete them. Therefore their marriage can be a lot healthier than if they hadn't developed this duality.
What do I mean by this?
I have found that since I was little, I dealt with a lot of emotions and frustration inside. My insides where screaming, "get to Know me!" And I was forced to go inward and space out the outside world. I lived in my own little bubble as I watched all the terrorism going on around me, as if in a dream. I viewed abused to me, my family, and friends, and I just sat there. I screamed, but since no body came to help I felt I was invisible. So I gave up. I went inwards. I developed a self that had a tough shield that could live through anything, but the problem was I stopped living outwardly. I mistrusted the outer world and stayed safe in my inner world.
I am not saying that I achieved duality, I am just saying that I developed a part of myself that I would not have had otherwise, if I had not had to protect myself. But I was so strong that I didn't need anyone else, not giving anyone a chance to be there for me. I was nurtured into it.
But I am numb now, and I fooled myself into thinking I had everything I needed in me. Because I can't trust the outer world anymore. So it is a double-edged sword, although I completed myself inside, this means I don't need others to complete me, and I have no trust in the outside world.
I used to try to have someone else give me everything I lacked from the outer world, but they proved my beliefs over and over again that no body could hold me. It was subconsciously my inner incomplete self that was claiming to be complete and pushing them away.
Now, I have someone who is equally wounded, but open to me to accept me. And it is still my inner daggers that are pushing him away. I hope one day I will be able to accept that outer acceptance and take it into my psyche, creating outer duality as well.
Love and cheers,
An Adoptee
What do I mean by this?
I have found that since I was little, I dealt with a lot of emotions and frustration inside. My insides where screaming, "get to Know me!" And I was forced to go inward and space out the outside world. I lived in my own little bubble as I watched all the terrorism going on around me, as if in a dream. I viewed abused to me, my family, and friends, and I just sat there. I screamed, but since no body came to help I felt I was invisible. So I gave up. I went inwards. I developed a self that had a tough shield that could live through anything, but the problem was I stopped living outwardly. I mistrusted the outer world and stayed safe in my inner world.
I am not saying that I achieved duality, I am just saying that I developed a part of myself that I would not have had otherwise, if I had not had to protect myself. But I was so strong that I didn't need anyone else, not giving anyone a chance to be there for me. I was nurtured into it.
But I am numb now, and I fooled myself into thinking I had everything I needed in me. Because I can't trust the outer world anymore. So it is a double-edged sword, although I completed myself inside, this means I don't need others to complete me, and I have no trust in the outside world.
I used to try to have someone else give me everything I lacked from the outer world, but they proved my beliefs over and over again that no body could hold me. It was subconsciously my inner incomplete self that was claiming to be complete and pushing them away.
Now, I have someone who is equally wounded, but open to me to accept me. And it is still my inner daggers that are pushing him away. I hope one day I will be able to accept that outer acceptance and take it into my psyche, creating outer duality as well.
Love and cheers,
An Adoptee
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