Memory of an Angry Girl Not Belonging

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            When I was about 7, in the country house we stayed in for the summer, I got in a fight with two older girls. I don't remember what about, but my stubbornness was very inherent. I was so insulted, but stood my ground and didn't back down from protesting their fault in it. They laughed and jeered at me in a cruel way, and I, with my boyish haircut that I hated, and feeling insecure like I did, stood there in rapt anger fighting with all my might. I ran home and cried bitterly, telling my sister who was much older than me what had happened to me. I was sure she would protect me. 

          To my utter chagrin, she went over to them and sided with them!! She said I was wrong, and ignored my side of it. I was thrown into a pit, by my own side. My own older sister who was supposed to protect me.

          That's the end of that memory. but the feelings stand out the most from it. Pain and not belonging. even in my own home. No wonder I struggle with validating my strong feelings now too. No wonder I feel a sense of overwhelming rage when I am slighted now. I can't seem to get anyone on my side.

          This all changes. I now stand up to my pain and step to my side, whether anyone else is there or not. 

          So long,
          An Adoptee Heart

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