Talking About Feelings is "Uncool" Stereotypes
It just hit me when I woke up what the people who can't hear my problems think of me. That I'm pathetic and a loser who only wants to focus on the negative. Such as both of my biological sisters, my biological brother, my adoptive sister, adoptive mom, and all my in-laws.
I had an epiphany. Lol I just liked saying that. It's like my dream last night. I was in camp, vacationing alone, and the cool, pretty, sexy girl that everyone admired was there. I never was close to her, I saw through her that she was just a normal person that felt superior because of her looks and charm. But I liked her as a person, she had been nice to me in the past, wanting to be my friend. So we were cool. So what happened was, on the last day, she was having "get-togethers" with people she liked, and each one got a turn to sit in a bucket of water with her... (I know, sounds really strange, but that's dreams)... And she called me in as the past person. I was curious as to what discussions went on between her and her posse, and I was finally getting to experience it myself. So I went in, and she just watched me. I said something "uncool," She laughed and laughed like I was the biggest loser, and poured water on me. I left, dejectedly. It suddenly hit me that all she wanted from me was a pretty face and to be like HER, but since I was not, she had no need for me.
This is probably how all these other people see me. Like I'm "uncool" because I chose to focus on my emotions, and heal myself. I do not feel like living life only on the surface like them. I have done that before, and it is a waste, and boring with no fulfillment. I have been part of both groups, the cool kids and the "nerds." I must say, I enjoy the nerds more, because the cool group just focused on putting everyone down and acting like they were superior, even telling me to drop my other friends. I walked away because I felt they were missing a part of me that needed to be expressed- my creativity and individuality. At least with the "nerds," or "other" group, they let you be yourself and get that everyone is different. They face reality more, well not always, and often go through much suffering such as being made pariahs by people who can't take reality of people having emotions, and need to put others down to feel good. Abby Miller writes about it in her blog, how us "old souls" are the ones who everybody else hates because we chose to be ourselves in this world reality where everybody follows each other like sheep in a herd. They laugh at us, but really we are the only ones AWAKENED to our souls, and aligned with our soul purpose.
The thing is, we have all been in that position where we put someone down because we cannot handle their weakness. Whether subconsciously or not. Many times, when we are in a position of "power" we may mistreat. I see that with my daughter, that when I am overwhelmed in my feelings and unaware of them, I can project it onto her and get annoyed at her when she is inconsolable. I feel AWFUL after, because I realize that she is needy, and I hurt her at her most crucial time of need.
That's why Aware Parenting emphasizes that we be aware of our own "sweet spots" in being overwhelmed by feelings, and realize that we cannot handle our child's at this time. We should be there for ourselves, and put "loving limits" on our interactions with our children, because we cannot be there for them the way they need during those times. It is a beautiful safety guard so that we do not abuse or neglect emotionally, physically or mentally.
I see that in myself that I get annoyed at my husband when I perceive him acting "weak," too. So I am guilty of the same thing that my family does to me, but at least I am more aware of it and apologize after.
It reminds me a lot of Mean Girls, where the cool girls were like untouchables, and secretly everybody hated them. It saddens me to think that my whole family puts down those who seem lower to them, such as me, and I am forced to cut them out of my most personal affairs of life. Because I do not want them making fun of me, and spreading my "flaws" to everyone else.
I had an epiphany. Lol I just liked saying that. It's like my dream last night. I was in camp, vacationing alone, and the cool, pretty, sexy girl that everyone admired was there. I never was close to her, I saw through her that she was just a normal person that felt superior because of her looks and charm. But I liked her as a person, she had been nice to me in the past, wanting to be my friend. So we were cool. So what happened was, on the last day, she was having "get-togethers" with people she liked, and each one got a turn to sit in a bucket of water with her... (I know, sounds really strange, but that's dreams)... And she called me in as the past person. I was curious as to what discussions went on between her and her posse, and I was finally getting to experience it myself. So I went in, and she just watched me. I said something "uncool," She laughed and laughed like I was the biggest loser, and poured water on me. I left, dejectedly. It suddenly hit me that all she wanted from me was a pretty face and to be like HER, but since I was not, she had no need for me.
This is probably how all these other people see me. Like I'm "uncool" because I chose to focus on my emotions, and heal myself. I do not feel like living life only on the surface like them. I have done that before, and it is a waste, and boring with no fulfillment. I have been part of both groups, the cool kids and the "nerds." I must say, I enjoy the nerds more, because the cool group just focused on putting everyone down and acting like they were superior, even telling me to drop my other friends. I walked away because I felt they were missing a part of me that needed to be expressed- my creativity and individuality. At least with the "nerds," or "other" group, they let you be yourself and get that everyone is different. They face reality more, well not always, and often go through much suffering such as being made pariahs by people who can't take reality of people having emotions, and need to put others down to feel good. Abby Miller writes about it in her blog, how us "old souls" are the ones who everybody else hates because we chose to be ourselves in this world reality where everybody follows each other like sheep in a herd. They laugh at us, but really we are the only ones AWAKENED to our souls, and aligned with our soul purpose.
The thing is, we have all been in that position where we put someone down because we cannot handle their weakness. Whether subconsciously or not. Many times, when we are in a position of "power" we may mistreat. I see that with my daughter, that when I am overwhelmed in my feelings and unaware of them, I can project it onto her and get annoyed at her when she is inconsolable. I feel AWFUL after, because I realize that she is needy, and I hurt her at her most crucial time of need.
That's why Aware Parenting emphasizes that we be aware of our own "sweet spots" in being overwhelmed by feelings, and realize that we cannot handle our child's at this time. We should be there for ourselves, and put "loving limits" on our interactions with our children, because we cannot be there for them the way they need during those times. It is a beautiful safety guard so that we do not abuse or neglect emotionally, physically or mentally.
I see that in myself that I get annoyed at my husband when I perceive him acting "weak," too. So I am guilty of the same thing that my family does to me, but at least I am more aware of it and apologize after.
It reminds me a lot of Mean Girls, where the cool girls were like untouchables, and secretly everybody hated them. It saddens me to think that my whole family puts down those who seem lower to them, such as me, and I am forced to cut them out of my most personal affairs of life. Because I do not want them making fun of me, and spreading my "flaws" to everyone else.
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