Being Myself In Public, Realizing That Only I Can Decide How To Feel

             I want to describe the feeling I get from being true to myself, and not worrying about how I look to others. Hopefully it'll encourage continuing to do this. So I walked into a salon, baby in carrier, to get some much needed facial hair grooming. (my 'stash, and brows growing outta control LOL), I am sitting there, chirping happily to my daughter, in a clear voice, connecting with her. I am aware of how different I sound, and it makes me self-conscious, but I go along because as Ralph Smart says- be yourself and speak your mind even if your voice trembles. So a few other women with their gorgeous made up faces and perfect pedicured nails are staring blindly either at their phone or ahead, and I am wondering what they are thinking in their heads. I try not to care too much, and carry on with my cajoling. I look in the mirror and see my just rolled out of bed face, and modest hair covering sprawled over my head. I start adjusting it to my liking, and feel eyes on me. I try to stay confident, and exhibit nonchalance. Sure enough, two women started engaging me in conversation and I happily complied. I spoke my truth, and they we're either each awed and perturbed by me. But I felt okay with it, and didn't let it affect me.

         You see, if you are being yourself, it does not bother you when others react to you negatively because you were not trying to win them over in the first place. It is much more comfortable and natural, and does not take up energy to just speak your mind. The other way around stifles and constricts you, making you act nervous and frazzled, not letting you let go in the moment and feel good. Secrecy and pretending to be something you are not always causes discomfort, and ultimately causes disconnection from true comradeship with others. It also exhaust and drains your energy, because of the need to keep it up.

             There was a woman there that seemed very bothered by my attitude, and tried to show this by attacking me passive aggressively. Instead of taking it to heart, I reevaluated her behavior and saw how it was all her problem and not mine. She did not know me, so I had no reason to care of her opinion of me. And that goes for everyone who judges you. Ultimately, only your opinion of yourself matters, and it has the most power over how you feel because we know ourselves best. And I chose to feel good about myself, after my hard work and up and down emotions I go through daily.