Catching My Black and White Thoughts

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Just met my biological half sister for the first time in my life today. It went very well.

But when I came back, to rest and put my darling baby daughter back to sleep for a much needed nap before we all meet my birth Mom in the pizza store for dinner, I almost melted emotionally. The usual stress creeped up because I felt like I was the worst because she would not go to sleep after an hour of my trying. And we only had 2 hours to try to get her to sleep before we had to leave, and I was freaking out. Good thing I listened this morning to a video about black and white thinking and how to get over it by Jerry Wise, and he said to heal it you need to percentage the amount of your thinking that is an extreme, to actual reality. So I realized I was wayy over percentage in my thinking of negativity, and the worst that could happen was not so bad. I had to vent, so I did and let off steam. I was grateful that I did not take it out on my daughter, as it was totally not her fault. It was just my over reaction inside to stress on me, and self-blaming. I am grateful, and I was able to calm down after my angry huffs and cries. My daughter even looked at me differently, seeing me being more authentic. And I felt better than when I was faking my happy voice, which was coming out a bit crazed and fake to my ears. So grateful that I don't have to be perfect.

Off to meet Birth Mom.

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