Enmenshment and Exploring Creativity

Jerry Wise in The Lonely Marriage talks about enmeshment in relationships causing more separation than closeness in relationships. This is because the two people are so engulfed in pleasing one another but they do not have self differentiation, so it causes them to feel unseen. The relationship may seem so close, but both spouses truly feel disconnected. He says that the woman can feel like nobody understands or cares about her needs, and may look elsewhere for appreciation and validation. She may not know what is wrong with her, and shifts the blame on her spouse. But truly, it is because she attracted not being seen because of her childhood and her father ignoring her needs. The guy may have experienced his mother as seeking emotional connection primarily from her kids because her husband was unavailable, and therefore may subconsciously run from connecting.

This is interesting because I often felt in my marriage very enmeshed because we both could not find our own hobbies and got tangled in being there for one another. It made me feel more lonely and stuck, because deep down I know I have so much more to offer, and did not feel encouraged or will to do anything. This was because I always felt needing to be seen with the other person and was trying to just be there and relate to my spouse. But we do need to separate for a while, emotionally, so we can find ourselves through our hobbies and likes and then we can come together for companionship and enjoy each other like he speaks about.

Magnetic Mama says in Empaths: Healing Via Creative Outlets that empaths know they cannot express their true feelings about anything unless they work on emotional blocks that they are avoiding facing. Once they do, it is their greatest power. I like this because I have always felt it therapeutic when I wrote down my feelings and pain, or danced or sang. It always let me feel more like myself through revealing my pain.