My Daughter Cried In Her Sleep
So last night/ early morning, my daughter woke up with hysterical tears and I held her close to me feeling her sadness. I was fully compassionate and loving to her, and felt overwhelming love and pride in her sharing her feelings with me and my ability to help soothe her. I felt, this is what life is about, this is what a child-mother bond is. She fell asleep trustingly in my arms.
What happened was, last night I was hysterically angry at my husband because I was being dissociated and ignoring my daughter because I couldn't handle her hyperactivity from our early supper at 6, till 9 pm already.I self blamed, and so I couldn't pick myself up to help her any more. I tried twice to rock her, for ten minutes, but just gave up each time. So I blamed my husband when he finally came on our bed and tried to talk to her softly, that he was being "fake" and projecting his own stuff onto her, when she just needed action. I made him seem like he was overdoing it, and being too into her emotions, annoyingly so. He got very defensive, and yelped back that he was not and was just trying to help. He denied it being from his own problems. I felt unheard and shut down, and ignored him, and slammed the door on him. I even threw her fresh-wipe package at him, in frustration from his yelling over me. I felt stuck, and blamed from all sides. So we finally talked about it, and how our triggers got to us, and he admitted to being hurt from me, and that he felt accused. I told him about my self-blame for not being able to be there for her, and projection onto him for his showing overbearing empathy. I really listened to him, and he got shy and then he listened to me and I felt like it was my first time really seeing him in a long time. It was good to be authentic with someone. She fell asleep in middle.
What happened was, last night I was hysterically angry at my husband because I was being dissociated and ignoring my daughter because I couldn't handle her hyperactivity from our early supper at 6, till 9 pm already.I self blamed, and so I couldn't pick myself up to help her any more. I tried twice to rock her, for ten minutes, but just gave up each time. So I blamed my husband when he finally came on our bed and tried to talk to her softly, that he was being "fake" and projecting his own stuff onto her, when she just needed action. I made him seem like he was overdoing it, and being too into her emotions, annoyingly so. He got very defensive, and yelped back that he was not and was just trying to help. He denied it being from his own problems. I felt unheard and shut down, and ignored him, and slammed the door on him. I even threw her fresh-wipe package at him, in frustration from his yelling over me. I felt stuck, and blamed from all sides. So we finally talked about it, and how our triggers got to us, and he admitted to being hurt from me, and that he felt accused. I told him about my self-blame for not being able to be there for her, and projection onto him for his showing overbearing empathy. I really listened to him, and he got shy and then he listened to me and I felt like it was my first time really seeing him in a long time. It was good to be authentic with someone. She fell asleep in middle.
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