Narc Mothers and Codependents Torture Emotionally Because They Are So Numb

Magnetic Mama in Raised By a Narcissistic Mother: How Do You Reprogram Your Mind? said narc mothers torture their children emotionally abusing them and then deny it just so that the kid will feel crazy. I take it a step further and say this is because to the narc, the abuse is their normal and so they feel that everyone should feel like them cuz misery loves company. When they deny the abuse, they are actually saying, no body cared about me when I was being hurt by my parent so why should you get any better treatment? It validates their false self of grandiosity that they are perfect and could "handle" the emotional abuse, and this child of theirs is weak. Really the child is a projection to them of their weak, sad, lonely child within that they WON'T acknowledge, so they don't see anything out of the ordinary about the abuse they inflicted. 

This makes me sooo mad. That people choose to bat a blind eye to this happenings in the world, because they can't own up to their own sadness inside. 

But I guess some enablers truly don't know there is another way other than the ignoring abuse, because they really feel dead inside that emotional abuse seems normal to them. Possibly because they are abusing themselves inside by never feeling good enough, and thinking others always have it better. They were raised that way as being the normal, and it is too shameful for them to admit they hate themselves. But it's NOT their shame, NOR their guilt. It is carried on from their own caregivers/parents who didn't reach them they were good enough. 

Children are not unworthy, BABIES are not unworthy. We all deserved to be loved and taught boundaries, such as right and wrong without feeling abandoned if we made mistakes. That is projection from the grown up when a child does something wrong and the adult deems it horrible and thus the child undeserving of love. It is outright a travesty. 

I am soo angry now thinking of all the stories and memories I have of grownups hurting children because of their own shame. I wanna sink to the floor and scream.

Just one quick one from me. I HATE MY VOICE because I always felt not good enough, that others were always better than me. Then I landed in the reject's choir for school play, and one kind director took me aside to sing because she believed in my voice for a solo. I giggled and anxiously sang bad because I didn't believe in myself, and she gave up on me. I never had any solos ever, and never sang in public. In private I record myself because secretly I love to sing and I know my voice has good abilities of lyrical singing and going high. But anyway, I watch all these YouTubers singing, and think they are better than me because and only because they have the guts to do it in public. Isn't that ridiculous?? But that shows, that it's all about your self-perception, because I can guarantee you that if I tried others somewhere out there would LOVE my singing as much as I love a random girl's singing on YouTube to her heart's content. Wait- my husband loves my singing. Hmm.... Maybe he's being honest?? :)

But it's so crazy how parents who don't believe in themselves and their abilities drag their kids to their level and make them feel constantly not good enough, no matter what they do. You'll never amount to anything is what they say underneath their skepticism. I guess it's because they themselves never imagined amounting either.