The Reason Control Patterns is On The Mother

      Control Patterns are only started from the mother, because if she does not feel good and ignores her feelings, she won't be able to see her child's feelings as separate from her. Then, her kid will feel unloved and unsupported, and will not get their feelings SEEN. This will in turn cause them to need to escape.

       I used to fake being okay in order to take care of my daughter's needs, and that was when I developed the most "controlling" behaviors to get her to stop her acting out her feelings- like rocking her and jumping around the room. This stops the feeling for her right away because it distracts her, and she learns to ignore her feelings.

         But look at the difference when the mother takes care of her own feelings- such as when I am having a hard time with my feelings of worth when she behaves unhappy, and I go out to the kitchen and take a glass of cool water and read something. When I come back, I listen to her fully and feel good about it, too, and we both smile in authenticity. Or she makes upset noises and I rub her back lovingly authentically. When I am in my true place of counter vortex (opposite of trauma vortex), I can know what she needs so as not to establish a control pattern of her repressing her feelings.