Selfish Ppl

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              When we live in the ego, people run and are not around, says Ralph Smart or Infinite Waters. I definitely see this in my life, I literally have no friends besides for an occasional call and meet up from old, long distant, friends. They barely know me, and they see my front that I put up of caring about them and happy, and not my insecure, selfish, moody and extremely critical self. As well as with my brother, we are both so egoic that one day we can get along great because we understand and are helpful to one another, understanding our own pains so well that it makes us desperate for company and to hold onto one another as we are the only flesh and blood family we have for miles around, but then one thing happens and it all comes crashing down with venom and self-pride, ending with us departing quickly from one another's space. I feel like screaming because I know it is all a reflection of my own inner world, the anger towards his unjust selfishness. The way he takes over everything and does not let anyone get a word in. And then blames me for the entire episode, when I mention what he is doing. I embarrass him by revealing his flaws, and in turn he exposes my own selfish need of being seen and vengeance at him for not letting me. And my husband pisses me off so much by catering to him and ignoring me too, because he needs to feel seen by my brother too, who is really just using HIM to be seen.

            Oh God when will we all awake and see each other instead of only ourselves?

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