Separating myself to Be Stronger to Others

-
           Found myself much calmer on the train then usual yesterday. I kept to myself and didn't care what others thought as much. I was no longer trying to hide myself out of shame. I am prouder and more confident about who I am. I know I am not crazy, and have more trust in my ability to function normally. This was also in the adoption group meeting I went to. I feel I have my head in charge of my feelings more now, and I see that it is because I understand and validate my pain more. When I have a moment of feeling awkward, I go in and ask myself why instead of freezing up and bolting. I saw it caused my daughter to be calmer too, and she was resting happily in my carrier, just watching the people. I did get triggered when a woman made an angry face at her for some odd reason, and I realized it was her problem and silently wished her to feel better about her life. This is what happens when I face my pain more and let myself go in feeling my sorrow.
           

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Insanity

-
          I am so angry. When did everything become so okay? When did emotions become so evil? Why are people so evil? I was pushed down all my life, and gas lighted by every one I know. I am beyond angry, I want to scream until everyone can hear me and get shaken up to their core like I was. Unless they really are not human, and are just masking it in their human bodies. Pretending to be happy, pretending to care, pretending to smile. When all their lives they were just LYING. Lying to me that they were right and I was always wrong. I was never able to feel my feelings. They were always bad and stupid and immature and petty and silly, well I almost died from them, does that satisfy them now? When it all blows up in their faces and they are left shocked with ugly disfigures. HA!          Omg I sound insane, crazy, delusional, straight up retarded.          I don't know what I was meant for in this life, but it...
Read more

Projecting Our Inner Fragmentation on Others Makes Us Need To Control Them

-
We can only change others if we are whole inside. Otherwise, they will sense that we are trying to control them... For our own sake. To make us feel better about our own blocks. I realized this as I was trying to make new friends. I wanted validation for who I am... But I get confused with how much I want. I know that I need to have self-love first because then I am just relying on others for my self-worth. To make me feel good about my shortcomings. And then it usually falls flat, because they cannot fully contain all my issues. Joe Soll my adoption therapist, told me that a husband or wife cannot be a therapist to one another. That makes perfect sense, because they need to live alongside each other, and not constantly dealing with each other's issues. I guess, I confess, that I have been trying to change other people in every relationship in my past. I did not accept their differing viewpoints, because I felt so in lack myself, and thought that I had to get other's approval...
Read more

Struggling Has A Place

-
          You cannot force people to be awakened. It has to come from their own choice. All you can do is work on yourself and be a light house for when they are ready to change. Sometimes it needs to take them going through a lot of hardships that they realize they need to change. All in Ralph Smart's video, How To Help Others Who Are Not Awakened. It was perfectly what I needed to hear, good timing. I was losing my mind. Losing my trust. Going dowwwn this morning. But I realized I still had myself and G-d. Through help of no one else but me. I needed to learn that only I can do this for me. Save me from this world of hell.          I woke up with nothing to look forward to. Nothing to tie me over. I realized my comfort zones where slowly expiring. I didn't wanna eat, didn't wanna have fun. I wanted more. I wanted love from my peers. Which I wasn't getting. After I posted something I felt was my truth and great on Facebook and no o...
Read more