Adoptees Can Be the Healer And Get Others To Release Their Blockage Of Pain

         When I went to the adoptee group meeting I learned a lot. All of us adoptees have that same sadness to our personalities, and an untrusting undertone. We are unattached so we have this free way of relating, as an outsider unattached. Seeing things objectively for how they are. With our pain and sadness of missing out on belonging. We there are all empaths, pretty spiritual and interested in truth. I wonder if it's a coincidence of us being there for help and support in facing our deep emotions. I don't know if all adoptees are empaths. Haven't met enough- it's like an underground. Where we are all experiencing a war but no body knows or cares.

         We all talked about how no one outside in our respective "families," adoptive or birth, seemed to be interested in OUR SIDE OF THE STORY. One woman said how her birth family never spoke about her childhood, that every time she came over they went into a knee-deep discussion of the time they lost the "baby." I experienced the same visiting my biological mother's birth aunts, who studied me like a new pet and spoke about the past and my sick grandmother as if she was a ghost frozen in time. Not seeming interesting in ME and a person and what I went through. It was as if I was just a broken link in their chain, and they had given up on my existence in their lives. One was really angry and said she would have raised all of us had she known, and it felt like that was it since it hasn't been done and now we were all strangers. It is difficult going through this, and as one adopted man said, you come to realize that reunion is really not as glorious as you think.

         But the birth mom that ran the group encouraged and had hope for my reuniting with my birth family for my temporary move to their city. 

          I feel that us adoptees are outsiders for life, and we really have a great advantage. We can see everything for its' truth, and open up stuck family systems that are stuck in denial and lies for the sake of peace. When we come in, we bring truth of the situation that all is messed up, and our braveness of being upfront about our loss can help others learn to let go of their notions of illusions of perfection. The truth will set you free when you can face it.

       It does get me really angry how adoptive parents "purchase" a child as if that can fix all their problems, but their issues of shame and guilt from infertility clouds their view of their child's ambivalent emotions.