The Ugliness We See in Others

The ugliness we see in others is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. So beware those who only seem to find negative in people. They are very insecure about themselves. For example, my biological sister, popular and pretty, just two years older than me, once scoffed at the idea of writing in a diary for yourself, saying, "I used to do that years ago...but then I looked at it one day and saw that I sounded retarted in it and I just didn't want to do it anymore. It's pointless, why look at all your dark and dirty thoughts? I feel better just living in the present." And this was a red flag for me, because it showed that she was disgusted with the sadness she felt and thought it bad. I can never get along with her now because I am made up of that stuff, facing deep, dark and dreaded subconscious thoughts and feelings. I boast about it on my facebook for people to see, that's how much I "love" to dive into it. So she disowned it in herself, which is why she is only living a half life and wondering why she can't ever feel complete and happy with what she has. I feel that way more. Although not always, but I am getting there.

Funnily, I am learning to embrace and accept the ugliness I used to see much more now. I noticed it yay as I walked down the street in my poshy, snobby neighborhood where most don't even bother with smiles or neighborly love. I used to hate them in the street when they ignored or looked away from me, thinking they couldn't accept me for who I am. The brokenness and miserable look I felt was coming out of me. But now, as I walked in my usual feelings of non-belonging and intense differences in me than others, I watched them not stare or look away. Well, some did but I didn't mind as much. The others just watched me with fascination, and I saw them in that way too. How do they live the way they do, pushing the same expensive carriage and wearing the same designer attire to every one else? Do they ever long to be more the way they feel inside? Do they ever have a homecoming, where they feel their hearts leap in joy of their self-love?