Initial Importance Is Inner Love
My husband and I had an argument about moving to my birth parent's town. He got reactive and felt hurt. I felt hurt too, and reacted angrily. We both felt unseen. I took time for myself, setting a boundary.
I realized that I was being selfish. And he was trying to force me to change, and it was hurting my ego because it was an ego need of mine to do something for myself. To find myself. So I hadn't babied him, as I considered it. I went to him and told him, this was a firm decision of mine, and it was also his if he wanted to do something else. But I would still comply with my need to live near my true parents. I was angry because he was not paying attention to his needs and trying to make me do so. I set my boundaries firmly. When he protested, I listened but said I am still standing in my needs. He was trying to move me by saying it was not practical. I said anything will work if my heart and soul is in it. Even finding friends and feeling belonging, which was what he feared not being able to get there.
Ironically, Teal Swan had a video today about a workshop where a man came up and did not know how to get what he wanted. She played the part of him that was scared of losing, because he always messed it up. He was able to see that he needed connection, which he never had before, and was still scared he could not deserve it. So he prioritized living on his own and making money, and thought that that would get him connection. But Teal showed him that only building connection with others FIRST can get him what he needed. She said he was believing that people will only like him when he has money and is DOING- which is from a false belief system that he grew up believing. Until he saw that people like him for HIM only, by separating his job from himself, he could truly feel that. I loved it.
I feel that this is what we need too, to believe that we are worthy despite what we do. I love that idea. We are love, inherently, and than we can move forward to expand ourselves in the world and make money.
I can see this with my love for my daughter, too. I can make her feel truly loved for who she is when I love myself. Once I get into that space, I can be there for her unconditionally and accept her as she is. This is why it is so important to start inside and come home to self-love.
I realized that I was being selfish. And he was trying to force me to change, and it was hurting my ego because it was an ego need of mine to do something for myself. To find myself. So I hadn't babied him, as I considered it. I went to him and told him, this was a firm decision of mine, and it was also his if he wanted to do something else. But I would still comply with my need to live near my true parents. I was angry because he was not paying attention to his needs and trying to make me do so. I set my boundaries firmly. When he protested, I listened but said I am still standing in my needs. He was trying to move me by saying it was not practical. I said anything will work if my heart and soul is in it. Even finding friends and feeling belonging, which was what he feared not being able to get there.
Ironically, Teal Swan had a video today about a workshop where a man came up and did not know how to get what he wanted. She played the part of him that was scared of losing, because he always messed it up. He was able to see that he needed connection, which he never had before, and was still scared he could not deserve it. So he prioritized living on his own and making money, and thought that that would get him connection. But Teal showed him that only building connection with others FIRST can get him what he needed. She said he was believing that people will only like him when he has money and is DOING- which is from a false belief system that he grew up believing. Until he saw that people like him for HIM only, by separating his job from himself, he could truly feel that. I loved it.
I feel that this is what we need too, to believe that we are worthy despite what we do. I love that idea. We are love, inherently, and than we can move forward to expand ourselves in the world and make money.
I can see this with my love for my daughter, too. I can make her feel truly loved for who she is when I love myself. Once I get into that space, I can be there for her unconditionally and accept her as she is. This is why it is so important to start inside and come home to self-love.
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