Mom Never Cared

         I just realized, my mother may have borderline personality like Ollie Mathews told me. Why? Because every time I used to talk to her, I always had a grating on the chalk kind of feeling. Like she did not want to hear about me truly and was just asking to make sure I'm okay. Ollie said that they make fun or minimize your every feeling. Only Their feelings matter. In a way she is very infantile like that, it is always about her and you can sense that.

      I guess since she was ever seen by her parents, she feels she always has to try to get seen by others. Even her own daughter. I wonder if she has ever felt whole or at peace with herself, like the feelings I get sometimes when I love myself and listen to my feelings, even though I am half freaking out and am miserable.

         My mom also can never take responsibility for things, and always has to play a victim. Such as in her marriage, it was always obvious that my father was not there for her, so she played that pity card to the fullest, always having a chip on her shoulder for her marriage. Everyone around had to act like it was normal when it was clearly insane. Oh the drama, so glad I am done with it.