Seeing How Only I Can Save Me

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I am having an identity crises. Since I stopped being the rock /good one taking everyone's pain, I no longer feel good about myself. It is way easier hiding behind a "good shell" than having to see my own self. The pain and crushing grief of a girl unknown. Guess that's what has been causing all the tension in me. The girl still trying to get validated outward, without having to do anything like a baby loved by her mother.

I lost that stage, in adoption, so it looks awkward when I am still acting from being in it. It hurts me too. But I have to acknowledge it and not expect people who can't help me, a deeply lost orphan. I have to help myself to go from here. Set realistic expectation based on what I know about adoption in this ignorant world.

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