Ugh!!

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I don't belong anywhere I tried the adoption group meeting it was for nothing too to imagine I would be accepted. I am Jewish so I am already an outcast. I have so much anger towards the world for everything they do and say about Jews. We are responsible for all the problems. I am sick of it I feel like giving up.

My biological family hates me because of it no matter what they'll claim. My first cousin blew up on me suddenly after we were good friends and now she ignores me for good. I am not sure my birth father actually loves me because he probably hates me because I turned out a full on Jew who keeps the appearance and identity.

My adoptive family hates me obviously because the minute I mention my feelings they say I am spoiled and should be grateful for them raising me. Not giving a beep about my feelings. Only wanted me for a replacement child of the ones they couldn't have. Every one is messed up.

I think autism comes from fragmented personality. You need to pretend you're all happy so you don't see any inkling of negativity in the world, so you seem clueless. Lose your sense of humor so seem one dimentional and dry. So people think you are subhuman.

My daughter keeps bringing me books in the library because she is trying to gain my affection. I don't know if I have any to give. Because I never had a mother myself. I am convinced that adoption is the core issue of all humanity. When they don't care about their children and the kid grows up anti social and lost. Shows in extreme all the world problems that exist. Everyone can learn from it the importance of family and attachment for one's emotional well-being.

I heard a Rabbi say that the lines on our bodies are all imprints from our soul. He said our souls are devided in groups according to their missions. We are each part of a group. I am definitely not part of my group wherever it is. I am alone. I don't think my husband is part of my group to be honest. He does not care about the same things I do. He just pretends he does when I scream at him for not getting me. But I bet if he found his group like him he wouldn't need me. 

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