Why I Face My Feelings
Why I cry and mourn throughout my day. Because if not, my life would have no joy. I just cannot go on ignoring my pain. I do not understand it when people make fun of me or flinch when they see me sad or not in the mood to go out with them.I have come to the point where I have no other life besides facing MY INNER feelings.
And ironically, I have never felt more joy, I no longer squash my confusion about my sadness down, not letting myself go there. I see it in reality that it makes me more resilient to taking in other's criticism. Being an introvert, I do get my energy from being alone, but that is not enough. It was not enough in the past, when I was still depressed beneath the surface, and was still trying to survive.
I am now LIVING more, I mean being joyful in what I do. And I see my daughter is happy, and is attached to me. I cannot say for sure that other women I know with babies have that same connection that we have since I hold her when she needs me to. Even when we go out, I do not use a carriage and she has the privilege of being right by my side and watches my expressions and interactions with people, I do know that she has a certain life to her that I do not see in other babies who are pushed in strollers, ignored when crying by their mothers.
The point of life is to life with feeling, and not just go through motions. This is why I feel it is legit for people who have unresolved pain to go in and face it. Otherwise, you may be succeeding in the material sense, but you are actually living dead inside.
The world tends to only accept people in grief as either two extremes: one that they fully accept their life's plan as meant to be and don't feel sadness, and two that they let their inner sadness dictate their lives and act out to fill their needs in infantile ways such as being reckless, drinking, and being provocative. This is what I have found. The first is called spiritual bypassing, and not actually grieving so it is the easy way out but gets you more repressed in the long run, until you wake up because your insides can't hold the tumultuous emotions and anger from repressing for so long. The second is the reason for all world problems because you cannot built a healthy life style and promote healthy behaviors in your kids this way. Or the person just self destructs and tries to drag everyone around them down with him. Misery loves company. All these people wasting their lives away on futile pleasures are not truly happy inside, they are just using it as a cover for the lack of mourning that they need to do for their losses.
And ironically, I have never felt more joy, I no longer squash my confusion about my sadness down, not letting myself go there. I see it in reality that it makes me more resilient to taking in other's criticism. Being an introvert, I do get my energy from being alone, but that is not enough. It was not enough in the past, when I was still depressed beneath the surface, and was still trying to survive.
I am now LIVING more, I mean being joyful in what I do. And I see my daughter is happy, and is attached to me. I cannot say for sure that other women I know with babies have that same connection that we have since I hold her when she needs me to. Even when we go out, I do not use a carriage and she has the privilege of being right by my side and watches my expressions and interactions with people, I do know that she has a certain life to her that I do not see in other babies who are pushed in strollers, ignored when crying by their mothers.
The point of life is to life with feeling, and not just go through motions. This is why I feel it is legit for people who have unresolved pain to go in and face it. Otherwise, you may be succeeding in the material sense, but you are actually living dead inside.
The world tends to only accept people in grief as either two extremes: one that they fully accept their life's plan as meant to be and don't feel sadness, and two that they let their inner sadness dictate their lives and act out to fill their needs in infantile ways such as being reckless, drinking, and being provocative. This is what I have found. The first is called spiritual bypassing, and not actually grieving so it is the easy way out but gets you more repressed in the long run, until you wake up because your insides can't hold the tumultuous emotions and anger from repressing for so long. The second is the reason for all world problems because you cannot built a healthy life style and promote healthy behaviors in your kids this way. Or the person just self destructs and tries to drag everyone around them down with him. Misery loves company. All these people wasting their lives away on futile pleasures are not truly happy inside, they are just using it as a cover for the lack of mourning that they need to do for their losses.
Once a person recognizes their losses and pays heed to them, they can begin to rebuild and give themselves what they need to truly be happy. This leads to being able to fulfill their obligations and responsibilities with a lighter heart and less baggage to drag along. They can truly be free to live, and do more and more to raise their spirit and help humanity.
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