Accepting Humanity

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              Deep down we all suffer from feelings of low self-worth, and are embarrassed of all of our flaws whether they are hidden from others or not. We will always look at others in a better light than the way we see ourselves, because we do not know of their issues and ugly side. The thing is, we keep running away from facing our flaws and feelings of self loathing, but it will always come back to us because it'll be there. Waiting when the glass is finished and the adoration of our peers wears off and we are left with truth. When our closest relationships spin off because we do not accept the parts of ourselves and do not let them see it too and they are left in confusion of the light that is missing in our eyes. Or the addictions that never leave us satisfied, or the adulation from them that never do feel lasting. In the end what's always left is to face the wreckage inside that screams for our attention. I am speaking from my own perspective of my life and not saying that every person experiences it the very same level as I do. But it is something that festers in me greatly. No matter what I do or where I go I cannot escape this part of me, despite my adoptive mother's beliefs that I can be another way. This is me, and she hates it and wishes it otherwise, wishes me to make her proud in some other way, to validate her dreams of having a normal daughter. But it is time for me to be myself, and myself is not locking up this deep pain and anger I feel. At injustice of being a child who was not nurtured and loved for what they were- someone else's child who missed her very much. A person who has tremendous pain at having been stolen from the hospital by people in suits and professional clothes to be given what was "best" for her. Treated like an animal that needed a safer climate to live in. Behaving like a sea lion living solely to entertain others with tricks. Feeling empty as a vessel having to fake a smile when everyone else was but feeling holes in reality that no one else acknowledged. This is me, and I don't think I am disappearing. So I guess I will have to work with what I have. 

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