Difficult Day
So I had the worst day today. I went to bed from 4 to 8, because I was so upbeat about my spiritual awakening that I didn't want to sleep. I woke up energized, and jumped up to eat wholesome oatmeal, feeling good about letting myself go in what I desired. I realized that all the times I restricted myself, put pressure on me and then I snapped on my daughter later on. So I decided to be happy and mindful. I also let myself enjoy because I noticed how my adoption really stifled me from feeling my feelings, so I was trying to be "myself." I was positive, and even accomplished some paperwork that helped me with my goals.
My daughter woke up, and I had fun with her. We were going to go out and enjoy the day. But the extra cake I had eaten for dessert was weighing me down, and I was unsure of where I was going. We took the train, and I got off at the first stop that might have places to go because of my daughter's antics and wanting to sit on the subway floor. I had no clue where I was, and my sunny attitude soon drooped as I had nothing to do after walking for 2 miles in search of stores. Nothing. I walked back towards another direction, and suddenly there were stores I knew. I went to Starbucks to lift my mood, and then my phone was dying so I quickly typed into google for a local health foods store, which was sort of my purpose for going out. I walked the wrong direction, and walked back. I found the store, and enjoyed strolling around in it, picking up some useful items. Such as Bananas and Almond milk. I headed back, and skipped the bathroom because it was getting late and my baby needed to sleep. She started fussing on the train and I was on my last nerve. Hungry and needing to go, I started rocking her but she kept craning her head back and staring around with red eyes. I started losing my temper. I was lost again, and there was no train to my area. I had to transfer trains at the last stop, and was unfamiliar with it. So I transferred, and took the train I knew to my area. But I miscalculated and got off too early, and I had to go back on the train. On top of it, the paper bags where ripping and heavy. I told myself to breathe and not resist this state, and my face crumbled with frustration and I started crying a little. No one was around because it was such a deserted area, and I felt even more alone. I realized I had no one to blame, and took the pain fully. I began to realize that it would be good again very soon, that I would be home, comfortable and happy again in no time. I couldn't help that my daughter was high-stress and couldn't fall asleep outside. We got home, exhausted, and I ate a very delayed lunch of oatmeal and my second banana because there was nothing else I could think of eating. My daughter then had the fullest diaper she ever had, and it even leaking a bit. Of course, I thought, more added trouble for this day. I changed her as fast as I could, trying to lessen the blow. And I put her to sleep, which she fell right into. At least for that. What a day, and I don't know why it was so awful. I guess I didn't plan, and although I had good feelings about it, I was a bit lazy and not proactive enough. Also, when I looked at some talented people on Instagram and saw their professions I kind of sunk into doubt of having skills. Or like a loser for not pursuing any.
My daughter woke up, and I had fun with her. We were going to go out and enjoy the day. But the extra cake I had eaten for dessert was weighing me down, and I was unsure of where I was going. We took the train, and I got off at the first stop that might have places to go because of my daughter's antics and wanting to sit on the subway floor. I had no clue where I was, and my sunny attitude soon drooped as I had nothing to do after walking for 2 miles in search of stores. Nothing. I walked back towards another direction, and suddenly there were stores I knew. I went to Starbucks to lift my mood, and then my phone was dying so I quickly typed into google for a local health foods store, which was sort of my purpose for going out. I walked the wrong direction, and walked back. I found the store, and enjoyed strolling around in it, picking up some useful items. Such as Bananas and Almond milk. I headed back, and skipped the bathroom because it was getting late and my baby needed to sleep. She started fussing on the train and I was on my last nerve. Hungry and needing to go, I started rocking her but she kept craning her head back and staring around with red eyes. I started losing my temper. I was lost again, and there was no train to my area. I had to transfer trains at the last stop, and was unfamiliar with it. So I transferred, and took the train I knew to my area. But I miscalculated and got off too early, and I had to go back on the train. On top of it, the paper bags where ripping and heavy. I told myself to breathe and not resist this state, and my face crumbled with frustration and I started crying a little. No one was around because it was such a deserted area, and I felt even more alone. I realized I had no one to blame, and took the pain fully. I began to realize that it would be good again very soon, that I would be home, comfortable and happy again in no time. I couldn't help that my daughter was high-stress and couldn't fall asleep outside. We got home, exhausted, and I ate a very delayed lunch of oatmeal and my second banana because there was nothing else I could think of eating. My daughter then had the fullest diaper she ever had, and it even leaking a bit. Of course, I thought, more added trouble for this day. I changed her as fast as I could, trying to lessen the blow. And I put her to sleep, which she fell right into. At least for that. What a day, and I don't know why it was so awful. I guess I didn't plan, and although I had good feelings about it, I was a bit lazy and not proactive enough. Also, when I looked at some talented people on Instagram and saw their professions I kind of sunk into doubt of having skills. Or like a loser for not pursuing any.
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