What Babies Need
I read some amazing things in The Aware Baby by Aletha J. Solter that really comforted and encouraged me in how to treat my child. She says on page 133 that if we frequently give our babies things to distract them when they cry, they will not have a chance to release some build up tension that they need to cry out and become "spoiled." I have noticed this with my daughter, that she has learned to repress her feelings a lot, and now I have a harder time getting her to express her feelings because she is constantly reaching for things to do when she is upset. It drives me mad, and I cannot handle her too well those times. I usually just wait until she is too tired to fight anymore and then get her to sleep, which can take hours. It is just impossible to get her to cry with me sometimes though.
She also says that a reason for stranger anxiety in babies 9-18 months may be because of how their mother reads their cues much better than anyone else, and when other grownups misread her she may become mistrusting, and rely on her mother to understand her always. She says that babies and their mothers have a special communication that they learn with one another, they can read each other's cues effortlessly. Such as knowing when the baby is overstimulated or interested in something. I agree with this, and I have seen it happen when my mother was too hyper with my daughter, calling her name over and over, and when she took her my daughter started wailing and screaming. I realized she was frightened of my mother because of her actions.
Pages 136-143, she says that babies learn how to do things on their own and do not need parents teaching them hands on. They learn by assimilating new information from what they pick up in their environment. The main thing is to make sure they have plenty of room to explore, and not be told not to do things or to do things in certain ways. This helps me a lot because it gives me confidence to let my baby explore on her own without thinking I am being a negligent mother by not being there all the time.
Pages 164-169 she explains her method of Diplomatic Discipline. It means involving the child in how you are discipling them. For example, telling them why you do not or do want them to do something. By giving explanations the child will feel more involved and not shamed and made to feel incapable of doing things. The authoritative parenting, where the child is punished when he does something unwanted, causes kids to shut down and feel incompetent in doing or exploring their worlds. This is why her way of discipline works best, because it considers both the parent and the child's needs. She says the parent has to decide what their current need is, and how to come to agreement with the kid's. For example, if the child is biting, she can explain why she does not want him to do that and give him a toy to bite instead. She says sometimes the parent has to figure out if their need is a legit one, such as if they can or cannot do with the child's behavior. Sometimes, they need to get out their frustrations and feelings with another adult to discern their true needs. This is what I need to do when my daughter bothers me by jumping on me when she has big feelings. I like this method in that it is against shaming the child and pro teaching them boundaries. Also, parents who feel need to be the "boos" over their children may have been made to feel powerless as kids, so feel need to have power. It is not helpful to bonding with the child though, and will cause power struggle later on even more.
She also says that a reason for stranger anxiety in babies 9-18 months may be because of how their mother reads their cues much better than anyone else, and when other grownups misread her she may become mistrusting, and rely on her mother to understand her always. She says that babies and their mothers have a special communication that they learn with one another, they can read each other's cues effortlessly. Such as knowing when the baby is overstimulated or interested in something. I agree with this, and I have seen it happen when my mother was too hyper with my daughter, calling her name over and over, and when she took her my daughter started wailing and screaming. I realized she was frightened of my mother because of her actions.
Pages 136-143, she says that babies learn how to do things on their own and do not need parents teaching them hands on. They learn by assimilating new information from what they pick up in their environment. The main thing is to make sure they have plenty of room to explore, and not be told not to do things or to do things in certain ways. This helps me a lot because it gives me confidence to let my baby explore on her own without thinking I am being a negligent mother by not being there all the time.
Pages 164-169 she explains her method of Diplomatic Discipline. It means involving the child in how you are discipling them. For example, telling them why you do not or do want them to do something. By giving explanations the child will feel more involved and not shamed and made to feel incapable of doing things. The authoritative parenting, where the child is punished when he does something unwanted, causes kids to shut down and feel incompetent in doing or exploring their worlds. This is why her way of discipline works best, because it considers both the parent and the child's needs. She says the parent has to decide what their current need is, and how to come to agreement with the kid's. For example, if the child is biting, she can explain why she does not want him to do that and give him a toy to bite instead. She says sometimes the parent has to figure out if their need is a legit one, such as if they can or cannot do with the child's behavior. Sometimes, they need to get out their frustrations and feelings with another adult to discern their true needs. This is what I need to do when my daughter bothers me by jumping on me when she has big feelings. I like this method in that it is against shaming the child and pro teaching them boundaries. Also, parents who feel need to be the "boos" over their children may have been made to feel powerless as kids, so feel need to have power. It is not helpful to bonding with the child though, and will cause power struggle later on even more.
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