Live To Each His Own, Don't Try To Live Through Another

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       I noticed that it's sometimes the best to just wish people well and not judge. They don't want to hear your feedback because they are going through something in their own way. You need to give them the time to process and grieve in their own way. Especially when they don't fully trust you. Not always do you have to be in someone's life. As Ralph Smart says, each person you meet is an invitation whether or not to allow them into your space.

           Mark Smith said in the Family Tree Brand Counseling video Profound Is The Wound Of Narcissist Abuse, that this cptsd is not something life teaches you to learn from, as someone commented, but it is much more profound than that. It affects a person on every level of their lives, and he believes that to recover is not so simple. You have to be cognizant of the effects every day in order to heal from it. I also hate when people say things like that, because it minimizes the pain. The pain creates a gushing wound. I love how Mark Smith expresses his feelings, I feel very in resonance with him. 

           We never know someone else's tragedy and extent of, so the best is to just listen and learn. We can never dictate how they SHOULD feel. That is egotistical and narcissistic. Live and let live. My brother used to get so insulted by me when I didn't seem to get his side of his pain, but now when I met him in the street after not communicating since our last blowout he seemed happier to see me and said we'll talk later. I felt his self differentiation and decision to talk later, resolving not to get invested emotionally by talking now. I hope he won't get as hurt now if I cannot see him 100%. 

          The same goes for my husband. I regret having been annoyed at him for shutting off his feelings and repressing them in front of me, thinking he was not trying hard enough. But it is his true business if he can or cannot be in touch with his true self, and I cannot judge it. I must set a boundary and only focus on my self and what I am doing or not doing. Otherwise, it is out of trying to change him and not do my own work alone inside. Life is an allusion, we think it's all about how others are acting, but truly it is ALL about living for YOURSELF.

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