Aware Parenting-Taking Time for Myself made Me More Compassionate

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I love when my daughter gives kisses to things and me because she learned it from when I am affectionate towards her. I love when she sings a song that I sing to her and tries to remember the order of the words. It sounds so cute and precious. Her little voice floats up in the air with an angelic, lift of tone. It makes me wonder how I can ever get mad at her.

Tonight I discovered why I was angry at her. It was because I was repressing my desire to do my own thing and forcing myself to try to pay attention to her need to cry. Of course it wasn't working because mu heart was not in it. I remember reading in Aletha Solter's book that in order for a parent to listen to a baby's feelings, they need to have their own needs met. It's simple but so true. I therefore cried weakly to myself and felt pathetic for it, but realized that no matter how pathetic I felt about it, I had needs. Once I knew that the needs were strong and stubborn, reminiscent of my toddlerhood and feeling angry at not getting my way, I felt the most loving thing for us was to take care of myself. She let out a shrieky cry when I went to lie down, and I saw her true emotion for the first time all night. I saw things clearly now, that I was doing the right thing and that I could not be there for her. She slowly took this in, and cried strongly, but it would not break her. She fell asleep out of exhaustion. 

It is not selfish to take care of yourself. It helps you see others better and be able to be empathetic for their needs, when you listen to your own.

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