They Knew it All Along

My adoptive mother and adoptive sister have stated that I should not talk about my pain of adoption with them because it is not their problem, therefore it makes them uncomfortable hearing it. To me that sounds like the definition of not caring. I can't believe they could claim to be loving of me after that.

I was just so blind to it all, all these years. How they were only out for themselves, and every time they did anything grand for me like birthday parties or buying me expensive gifts, it was only on their terms- that I pretend that I was in the game. The game of being part of the family without mention of adoption. Yes it was a game, even though it was buried so deep. That every time I felt sad or cried, even I believed I was crazy and unwarranted to feel that way. I took their script and played it to the fullest, so they could have their pet.

My mother even said that she saw my birth mother's face every time she looked at me. But she deliberately did not let us talk about it because she wanted to be the only one we knew of as mother. She knew it was false though, because she herself pictured our true mother in her mind.

And now I lost all inclination of a family at all. Since my voicing of my truth, all has been lost to me of my adoptive family. No fake presentation of a sister, mother, father or any relatives. I am facing harsh reality that no one cares. I'd rather it this way than the pretend games anyway, because with those I feel crazy fully.

At least now I know there is reason for my pain and anger. That it is not my fault. That I have been dealt with harsh cards, after all. I only keep by those who follow my truth.