Capturing the Pain

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Pain. I want to capture it's feeling. Feel it so it's real, so that I can let it go. Fly and live into the wind. My life is on fire with it near. I cannot sink or swim and I keep drifting...

I love my daughter. I really do. When I see her off on the side, dawdling and looking like she is totally out of it, as my husband described when he saw at her that way, makes my heart tear into pieces like I cannot explain. I know she feels worthless, and like she doesn't matter. But she matters soo much to me. I cannot bear it to see her so sad. I want to lift her up and help her fly. She will not give up like I feel like doing. I must find the compassion in my heart for myself so that she can feel my compassion for her.

What if having kids was really all about that- finding your love for yourself so that you can love them. Because without YOU, none of this can go on. Without you really living, and not just a script, you cannot be there for your child.

Yes, you, are important to others. You make a difference, and are desperately needed. Giving up will hurt your family terribly. There is no choice. If only I can see that more.

Husband tells me I cannot live this way I cannot keep being in the pain. I must let myself breathe

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