Confidence While Setting Loving Limits with Toddler

-

I realized that when you know what you are doing and fee confident, you won't feel guilt when you set limits with your child. It is only when you are unsure about what you are doing that you feel undeserving of boundaries and taking time for yourself. This is true for people who have low confidence and a sense of low worth, they are not really happy so telling their child no feels wrong to them.

They do not have boundaries for their own needs and are enmeshed with others. Including their child. They will feel unworthy of being listened to, because don't really believe in themselves.

I saw this with myself, and in the store today with my daughter. I usually feel more nervous and unsure of myself telling her to stop making a mess etc, but this time I saw it and told her no firmly. I believe she needs boundaries and it is good to set them. I have a stronger sense of myself.

Children are very truthful too and will sense when you are upset. Pretending you are happy when you are really not is not worth it most of the time. It is better to be honest with yourself. And not just act for others because that is enmeshment.

Being aware of the true feelings is the first step to being able to change them. The child can wait, sometimes we need time for ourselves to get a bearing. Lies are what destroy children's trust the most.

Also, I see with my daughter that she wants to be trusted to be independent. She likes listening, and without boundaries she gets confused and upset. For example this morning I let her play by herself because I was busy outside, and she wandered away to the street. I let her go because I did not want to restrain her, but then I got worried so I went to get her. She screamed at first, but I felt like she was happier because I was not letting her go when I did not feel it was right for her. She also got down from the table when I asked her to, and only went back on one time with me having to pull her back. It was proper and she understood. She also ate with us, and I enjoyed watching her ask for drink when she saw me drinking. She has a cute independent streak, wanting to do things I do like always taking a bag and putting stuff in it. I even saw her putting random clothes in the laundry like I do.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Limbic Brain Flashbacks From Trauma

-
There is nothing without love. Life starts within the mother’s womb, where she and her child are one. She is all he knows, and he needs her to develop his emotional brain, until he can become an autonomous self. Therefore, why are the role of women so inferior in society? They basically make up a human’s development of skills, true self-worth (that they are loved by another person), and growth potential.  Nancy Verrier says in Coming Home to Self that the experiences we have during the first three years of life “play a big part in our overall attitudes and beliefs” (Page 382). Personally I felt beaten down a lot, in my emotional body and ability to use my strengths of giving love. I feel like a shadow of a person, in this world, my skills and worth invisible to myself and to everyone else. This has to do with my suffering from the primal wound of being relinquished from my biological mother, and then adopted when I was a few months old. Verrier states, “Severing of the bond with th
Read more

Daughter and Projection of Anxiety

-
My daughter was anxious as me when we got back. I wanted to write a whole letter to my Rabbi about the community ignorance of emotions, and she was not falling asleep. I was kind of on edge and finished it. Then she ran around the house and I made myself some food even though I snacked earlier. She started squishing the cherry tomatos, and I recognized that it was from her frustrated emotions so I said to her, "You're angry right?" And she delighted and repeated the word and squeezed some more on them with her fingers. I winced inside a bit from the waste, and tried to focus. It was good that I was trying to validate her a bit, unlike how I was never validated at all for my grief as a baby. But it was hard because I was stressed. Needed time to myself and yet she needed my attention... And I felt a spiral coming. I desperately tried to hold on to myself and her. My mind was telling me that she was needy and that I was doing a bad job. But my heart was screaming for focus
Read more

Who Are Adopted Children Really

-
          Is it any wonder that the adopted child feels so unreal. Journey of The Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton inspired me to think about this. Reading the first few chapters and so excited with it. It speaks to my soul and resonates, being truth to me. She said that no one romanticizes mothers more than adoptees. As a blind person who tries to imagine how the sun looks upon a flower, the adopted child never experienced their mother, so there is plenty to imagine in their minds what it means. True, and why I have a hard time understanding the concept of true belonging.        As my older also adopted sister told me, why am I sad about adoption? I should just be happy and apply the knowledge that it was for my good, and a wonderful thing that I was adopted because   she my birth mother could not take care of me properly for her life. She expected me to just not feel sad about that and deny all the pain and feelings of non-belonging and yearning for a place in the world all of
Read more