Growth of my Toddler

It is hard to take care of my daughter when I know she needs more. That she is lacking in her continuum because of society we live in. That she is nervous and can't express her true feelings because is so used to being ignored. Like how I walk down the street for hours with her in my pouch when she wants to run by herself but there are cars and dangerous people. It is cute to see her learning, and she said, "don't want it" when she had some spinach leaves and instead gave them to me. But she says phone way too much and I fear that she gets distracted by it because sees me on it so much. I have to try not to, but there is simply not much to stimulate my mind. And I feel guilty because I know she is feeling left out deep down. And then I start to doubt my love for her.

Just getting out a few thoughts of confusion that I go through. Another thing I wonder is if she is hypervigilant to any sign of disconnect from me because of having it in my genes from being adopted for two generations. I heard a lot that dna is affected by multigenerational traumas passed down. Aargh this is frustrating and how will I fix it? I guess one day at a time and can't expect myself to be perfect right away. Just do what I can now. But it is a struggle daily.