CPTSD abandonment feelings

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The brain senses danger from small things that are out of proportion to the current situation because of past trauma that the person could not process. Richard Grannon says in his video about the only way to heal trauma. I feel this in my hometown that I am visiting my birth family in for a few days. I get so triggered every day when my plans are not clear. I was supposed to meet my half sister today for a few hours but then she texted me that it won't work out. She had a good reason, but suddenly I felt alone. Rejected. As if she no longer likes me. It is immature but it feels real to me.

I have to busy myself so I try to go out anyway. And do silly things like run to find a bathing suit to go swimming maybe while I am here. I ate a little too much for breakfast 2 portions of cereal because my daughter wasn't eating. And then we got locked out of the house and I told the host and she told me how to get in through the fancy garage. I felt like she didn't like me there when she told me she was coming home early. I felt like she wanted me out. I feel like an unwanted pest. Thinking of leaving but then I realize I don't want to. Maybe I should go somewhere else to sleep and stay longer.

I am sad and confused. It feels like I am in emotional danger of survival. It is okay to want to be happy and have plans I need to tell myself. It is okay to spend money on things I want.

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