Moving Day - Seeing how Feelings Attract Situation

Today has been a hectic day, but I made it. We moved and brought all the boxes from our house to the new house, through the movers, granted. I was in a state of adrenaline and going through the motions, barely feeling. Except for annoyance at my husband when he yelled or acted frustrated and not voicing it. I made him tell me his feelings, and we both calmed down together. I had a positive outlook and refused to give in to his worry and dread. Everything worked out for the better. We managed to get into the house even though the rental office was closing, and the woman there was very sweet and giving, helping up as much as possible. She may have felt bad that they did not finish our electricity and toilet and fridge, so we were not able to stay overnight. But it was still nice to see a female being caring and sincerely concerned for us. Guess the small town helped. The minute I stepped in, I was happy, if not a bit upset about the not as big as expected size, that the place looked decent and well groomed outside, with a big yard where children played happily. My daughter was loving it. She was calm because I was. We had waited for the movers to come, 2 strong friendly guys who did their job heartily, and did not complain at all even though my husband neglected to pack fully and we had a lot of last minute junk to throw together. They even made us more boxes to put the extras in. My husband worried when they left that we wouldn't meet them on time because I was busy cleaning the huge mess, but I just couldn't leave like this. I gave stuff to the mexican neighbors, who were soo grateful and happy to take it. They seemed very genuine, too and I was happy to be kind. My daughter also had her ear pierced this morning, and the guy was very down to earth and hearty with us. His son helped and we all were very friendly with each other. My daughter felt the mood and was happy. She was happy despite not sleeping all day, and we barely fought or yelled. I thought it through before accusing my husband of not showing the workers where the bathroom they could use was, and he listened when I told him constructively what he did. He agreed. I gave the men some makeshift sandwiches of cheese and bread that I had handy, and they were kind and grateful. I realized that men do their job if women appreciate them and show kindness and care.

I spoke to Joe Soll for my session on the new porch, as I so needed it. He told me I wasn't crazy and my feelings of anxiety over moving was typical of adoptees -because fear of abandoning our old life duh. He told me I was right about the argument with my mother, and I ranted to him and heard myself, and I felt valid for my truth. He apologized that my mother was the way she is, and said it is crazy not to face our pain because it is like a root canal that needs fixing. I appreciated his validation. That was all I needed. My mother could not understand that because she doesn't face her own trauma. I am going through the raw nerves of facing my childhood feelings, and of course it hurts. But it feels real and truthful. I need time to myself and away from my mother.  He said if my husband acts childish and doesn't want to understand my pain and where it comes from, it is not right to me. He needs to face himself too. He gave me a resource for my husband to get help for his own PTSD from childhood trauma- making it sound easy and possible.

We are staying by my aunt for now in the area, having left all our boxes and things in the apartment. It feels good and hopefully will go smoothly. I am proud that we did this easily. My daughter skipped happily and finally feel into bed to sleep on me as I relaxed. I am seeing her spontaneity and how she finds joy in everything, it is admirable.

Honestly I was feeling upset about my fight with my adoptive mother and how I was rough to her because she was not getting my feelings, and she had told me that being rude to her and others won't help- which triggered me because I felt outcasted again and to deal with my pain alone- when all I needed was her validation. But I can never get it. It is good that I am here now, away from her as she said herself. I need space from her. The negativity is not good for my soul now, I need energy for positive things like love and happiness with myself. I manifested it today.

I see how my food of healthy, conscious eating makes me more energized and light to be active all day. I see how it changes my mindset not to get dragged down. Most of all, the mindset of chosing happiness makes me able to be on my feet all day like today. I barely needed sleep, and still feel energized even though it is almost midnight and my body is signaling tiredness by a small aching in my head. I will tune in and sleep.