Separating My Energy From Others and Being Myself In Crowd

You can actually be yourself when around other people. I remember Teal Swan saying that you do not have to be lonely in a crowd- the only reason you are is because you are hiding your true feelings. Because you think you have to because of how you grew up. Becoming disconnected as a normal mode of operation around others. It is awful, and that is the feeling were you feel like you can only be yourself around specific people- like a partner, or good friend. No, it is possible to be yourself around everyone. Sometimes, you know you are not liked or do not like what the other is saying, but you can still HAVE yourself. Inside. And when you walk away you can comfort yourself if you got hurt.

I think my adoption talk and talk about being unfulfilled even though we are religious really scared them. Because they quickly sidestepped it,  not wanting to talk about it too much. The ideal is to just be typical, without any usual needs or problems. It reminds me of my adoptive family, because you could only ever be "ordinary" around them, nothing special. And I feel special and amazing, and I want to always strive to feel that way. This way I do not take things for granted. So being with those kind of people is draining and not my goal. It especially hurt when they treat out of the ordinary subjects like a big deal. It is like when a little kid is sad, and the parents acts like that is not normal and says "Why are you like this?!" And the child learns that his feelings are bad. Yes it really triggered me. Obviously, that young woman did not know how to deal with her pwn feelings and was desperate for help. But it was gas lighting, because she didn't even know it and thought it was normal. I was extremely quiet and watchful, and unlike the other two. I think it worried them, because they kept needing to talk and fill in silence. I wonder what is really going on. But at least I know it is not me, and it's them who have issues and are not peaceful.