Face Feelings From Childhood
How can we kid ourselves that our children can be close to G-d if they are not close to us? A child relies on their parent for mirroring back to them true love. If a parent is wounded and unable to see their kids in a loving way, the child disassociates from the parts of them that are not loved, and becomes fractured. He will go the rest of his childhood and adulthood missing the knowledge that he is loved, affecting every area in his life. John Bradshaw says: “We better find out the truth of our childhood, because the child will remember.” Alice Miller says that the truth of a child will live on in our bodies, even if we are shamed and manipulated... our souls never forget. And one day our bodies will show us what the truth is. Our inner child will always be trying to show us the truth.
John Bradshaw says “A child has developmental needs, which means they have to get their developmental needs met by someone.” I believe this is directly related to how adults cannot accept their full selves, to be connected to G-d. This is because they were not fully accepted by another human being, in childhood. They would try to get these needs met through other ways, such as getting admiration and respect from their peers... but until the truth is uncovered and why these needs are lacking, they will not understand their truth.
Video =John Bradshaw Homecoming Problem of the Winderful Inner Child.
He says that when we don’t know the truth of our childhood, we will feel unloved deep down and cause our own children to feel the same way, whether we are realizing it or not.
I have always felt empty inside, like there was a hole in me that could never be filled. That is why I overeats when I am stressed, because deep down I feel unloved due to my infant needs of dependency not being met. I never had anyone to depend on, my mother could not love me fully. I know I was a very docile baby, never crying. That was probably because I learned early on that I had no one to depend on. So I stopped believing that I could rely on others, as Bradshaw said.
She had her own wounds of not being loved, and was very reactive on me whenever I was angry. She would hit me a lot, with her slippers and hands. I felt unable to be myself with her, and therefore I feel as if I cannot be angry and be loved at the same time. I feel a restless uncertainty of what I can do, and the feeling that I can’t really accomplish anything at all.
We need a seeing witness, in order to heal our dependency needs and actually feel loved fully by another. I lack that, as the one guy who said he loved me and I believed it left me. He betrayed me, and said I was not good enough. I am thrown back into my toddler and baby years of feeling unworthy of love. I can barely smile at my daughter, let alone play with her like she looks for me to do. I worry though that she feels that same invisibility with someone she loves and needs. I am excited about the idea that I can show her she’s loved, and I do that and experience healing as I go about it. I always tell her I love her, and I’m sorry. I am aware of the pain she goes through, even though I can’t always help it.
This is why I am so desperate and trying to get my needs met, of being loved for who I am. I am no longer living in repression for the majority, I am more aware of my inner wounded self. This is the only way to change. I need to reinforce it to my baby self that I am loved, and then I can change my painful toxic shame which tells me I am not. Therapists I went to made me feel to blame for my shame, telling me I just had to stop being childish and move on with my self. They were always working on my future steps, and it hurt me deeply because I knew that the past was missing and broken. Th way seemed to not want to get into the past, saying I was exaggerating it and not being real. I am glad I left that one therapist who did this to me, even though she was angry at me and told me it was wrong to leave therapy. I just couldn’t explain to her my inner feelings, I felt she wasn’t open to hearing it. So I left. I still felt guilty. Looking back, it was really brave and tough of me to do that. I never want to feel gaslighted again about what I feel inside, by someone I let into my life.
John Bradshaw says “A child has developmental needs, which means they have to get their developmental needs met by someone.” I believe this is directly related to how adults cannot accept their full selves, to be connected to G-d. This is because they were not fully accepted by another human being, in childhood. They would try to get these needs met through other ways, such as getting admiration and respect from their peers... but until the truth is uncovered and why these needs are lacking, they will not understand their truth.
Video =John Bradshaw Homecoming Problem of the Winderful Inner Child.
He says that when we don’t know the truth of our childhood, we will feel unloved deep down and cause our own children to feel the same way, whether we are realizing it or not.
I have always felt empty inside, like there was a hole in me that could never be filled. That is why I overeats when I am stressed, because deep down I feel unloved due to my infant needs of dependency not being met. I never had anyone to depend on, my mother could not love me fully. I know I was a very docile baby, never crying. That was probably because I learned early on that I had no one to depend on. So I stopped believing that I could rely on others, as Bradshaw said.
She had her own wounds of not being loved, and was very reactive on me whenever I was angry. She would hit me a lot, with her slippers and hands. I felt unable to be myself with her, and therefore I feel as if I cannot be angry and be loved at the same time. I feel a restless uncertainty of what I can do, and the feeling that I can’t really accomplish anything at all.
We need a seeing witness, in order to heal our dependency needs and actually feel loved fully by another. I lack that, as the one guy who said he loved me and I believed it left me. He betrayed me, and said I was not good enough. I am thrown back into my toddler and baby years of feeling unworthy of love. I can barely smile at my daughter, let alone play with her like she looks for me to do. I worry though that she feels that same invisibility with someone she loves and needs. I am excited about the idea that I can show her she’s loved, and I do that and experience healing as I go about it. I always tell her I love her, and I’m sorry. I am aware of the pain she goes through, even though I can’t always help it.
This is why I am so desperate and trying to get my needs met, of being loved for who I am. I am no longer living in repression for the majority, I am more aware of my inner wounded self. This is the only way to change. I need to reinforce it to my baby self that I am loved, and then I can change my painful toxic shame which tells me I am not. Therapists I went to made me feel to blame for my shame, telling me I just had to stop being childish and move on with my self. They were always working on my future steps, and it hurt me deeply because I knew that the past was missing and broken. Th way seemed to not want to get into the past, saying I was exaggerating it and not being real. I am glad I left that one therapist who did this to me, even though she was angry at me and told me it was wrong to leave therapy. I just couldn’t explain to her my inner feelings, I felt she wasn’t open to hearing it. So I left. I still felt guilty. Looking back, it was really brave and tough of me to do that. I never want to feel gaslighted again about what I feel inside, by someone I let into my life.
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