About Judging others and being Stuck in it

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           When you don't know yourself you project your judgement onto others and get mad at them. The more you know yourself the more you can see others objectively. Like your kids. You can see their emotions objectively because it has nothing to do with you. 
           
           Know when you have a blockage stopping you from loving someone else. It's all you and nothing to do with them. It only bothers you cause you have it, explains Ralph Smart of Infinite Waters.

            You need to validate others experiences before you can show them any love. Love starts from loving yourself, because you can't see others objectively unless you see yourself. When you do, they'll feel it.and trust you, not feel judged by you. They will feel comfortable to act themselves, and not hide what you don't "approve" of. People love you for that.
             Just listen. You do not always have to have advice. Be present. Do not try to change them. 

             When people are growing and moving forward they won't judge others. They don't have time for it, as Ralph Smart says, because they are too busy becoming their own greatest versions. When you are not growing and you see yourself as bad you will be in denial when others are changing and you will see their mistakes more than their strengths. Once you are growing though, you will see others growing and understand and accept their mistakes as you accept your own. Abby Miller, from Worldwide Self Hypnosis talks about that. That's why people don't want to hear when I talk about holding my baby and watching her emotions.... That babies have feelings.... Because it makes them see that they ignore feelings and they feel it's nothing. 

             Deep down they are ashamed of their flaws because they were never validated. So they are terrified of admitting it. 
           
            Happened to me when I got speeches on dressing more modesty from my teachers or mother. They said I was being bad and i felt ashamed so I pushed it away and denied they were right. Or when people told me I didn't have tact or social skills, It made me feel ashamed because deep down I felt like a freak of nature so I felt they were right and they hurt my fragile ego. 

          What i would have wanted was to feel understood, and taken to the side and asked about why I was acting the way I was. That would at least have helped me feel better and then not embarrassed of my problems which caused the "bad" actions. But i felt my problems were part of me. 

           Now i know they are not my fault, it was programmed in me to feel shame of myself. Knowledge helps me not feel embarrassed. Adoption is not embarrassing. It happened to me. I didn't ask to not be cared about by my mother. Understanding goes a long way. Please comment if you agree or have similar experiences. 

          Love,
          An Adoptee


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