Aware Baby, Unaware Parent
Trivialize a baby's feelings and he will grow up to become susceptible to gullibility of other's ideas of what he should feel, or what he should be doing in life. This is why marketing and societal codes works so well on so many people. They become like robots, not knowing who they are without following the world's expectations of the sheep in a herd of living. He will shut down emotionally, and live purely out of physical bases and to learn what get's him approval of his mates.
This is what terrifies people of being DIFFERENT, having a DIFFERENT thought than the general public. They have so little foundation of their inner self, that they have to mold into something that makes them feel approved of. But in reality, they are lost inside and dying for connection to their true selves.
Many mothers nowadays are terrified of listening to babies cries, because it makes them feel HELPLESS and GUILTY that they are not FIXING it. They need to feel approval from everyone, even their own babies. If their baby cries, they see it as an indication of THEM, that they are not good. They take it as a front to their ego. But the child WANTS and NEEDS to connect to their parent, and will do anything to have it, so that means they will repress what the parent can't take, their inner feelings.
And the crazy thing is, society has made this normal. Everywhere you go you see pacifiers, and babies are applauded for "being a good baby"- when they do not cry much. Aletha Stolter says this is an indication many times of the baby learning that his mother will not answer his cries, so he learn to hold in the emotions perpetually. But, I have seen, if you look closely at a child who was raised with denial of his pain, they are sullen and have looks of a mature adult, having grown up and learned way too early to be able to "control" (I mean repress) feelings, totally bereft of any display of emotion. Even when you smile at them, they look away, as if rejecting companionship for being too trivial for their affairs.
Perhaps the most sad part is, that they are so disconnected from their parent by this time, learning not to trust them with their innermost wishes and desires. When they grow up, they will have to eventually face this lack in themselves, and when they do, it will blow up on their parent who caused it and they will shut down the relationship until they can learn to forgive the parent. And many times parents do not know or admit to their wrong, and they blame the child for his lack of self-awareness and attuning to his feelings.
Children can be difficult, but it is important to be aware that their feelings count, and if you can't handle them, at least one should be aware of that fact. Until they are, they will not be able to fully have a connection with their child, because a true connection is when both people allow their FULL selves to show up. When parents reject an aspect of their children's personality, such as their sadness, the child will feel like he cannot be himself, and reject it for the sake of connecting to the parent. He becomes a little robot, continuing to have to please everyone in order to feel "connected" to the rest of the people ignoring their emotions.
When did tears become so negative? Feelings are feelings, whether they are happy or angry or sad, It only becomes bad when the parent perceives it as wrong, thus making the child internalize this too. Then her whole life can be developed through running away from feeling such feelings, rendering her "numbing it out" whenever she comes across sadness. This is why we have so many people incapable of true empathy, because they balk at the thought of themselves feeling pain. They have to shut it down, and this carries to others in their lives. They can make other people feel CRAZY for having sadness and hurt, because they won't validate it.
Entrenched in denial of the sadness, pain, anger or rage, these people will use spiritual "tools" to justify their fragile sense of selves. Such as having to deny a child's pain by "punishing them" for "bad behavior" when they refuse to listen because they were hurt. Look in preschools and elementary schools, these are flooded with adults who deny the child's pain due to deciding they are rotten and spoiled when they throw tantrums or fight. They have not the faintest clue about emotions, and childhood psychology. They are responsible for every child's self esteem that they rip apart by their evil repression and lack of mercy.
It can lead to denial and eventual murder of the soul. The innocent, once pure, hopeful soul. The one that needs to be recognized and known for what it is. Unless the child is really strong and has an aware advocate for his mistreatment, he will shut down the part of him that was hurt and become intolerant of this emotion in others as well, continuing the cycle of wounding.
Abby Miller of Worldwide Self Hypnosis says in her newest video Old Souls and Autism of the Soul that people who have old souls that do not match up with outer stimulation of the world beat themselves into becoming a desired version of what the outside world expects. This is what I did. Eventually, they learn to let go of it because it is too hard, and be their "weird" selves. I remember always getting called weird and odd, and I felt it in my soul that I was different than the normal people my age. So whenever my "deep thoughts" showed, or were obvious, I shut down and pretended it was a fluke. But that doesn't help anyone, because they will find what they need from others anyway, so I might as well make myself happy. So I finally started becoming more like my inner world, and people who did not like it left me, just as I expected. She says that we can just TELL when people truly resonate with what we tell them, and it is painful when people deny not understanding just for the sake of pleasing us. I agree, and I learned when people did not truly understand and I point it out to them or leave it. But it doesn't matter to me, because I have gained so much more- self-respect. I could never hear myself out before this, and so I am now writing my story in effort to let my true self be heard. Not everyone will approve, many people will not like what I say, but that's okay because the one that matters most does resonate- and that is me.
Melanie Tonia Evans says in What is Trauma Consciousness? And How to Break Free From it that the pain trauma survivors go through actually get's stuck in their bodies, physically, and no matter how much they want to forget it and move on, the beliefs of deserving the abuse and it's damage keeps them stuck in attracting the same scenarios over and over. Until they are aware of this and get the pain up and out. That's why it is so important to talk about your pain and grief, and cry. You need to clear the trauma from your body.
I am no longer a "match" to people telling me how I need to feel or be, because they believe so. I realize that that is their unconscious wounds that they live with, and they suffer from thinking everyone else must think like them or else they are worthless. Because their true self and pain was shut down as children, they cannot face rejection again, to them, being true to your inner self is a sign of weakness, because they feel that pain and hurt makes a person weak. It is a sign of strength and healing to face your wounds.
Love,
An Adoptee On her Way
This is what terrifies people of being DIFFERENT, having a DIFFERENT thought than the general public. They have so little foundation of their inner self, that they have to mold into something that makes them feel approved of. But in reality, they are lost inside and dying for connection to their true selves.
Many mothers nowadays are terrified of listening to babies cries, because it makes them feel HELPLESS and GUILTY that they are not FIXING it. They need to feel approval from everyone, even their own babies. If their baby cries, they see it as an indication of THEM, that they are not good. They take it as a front to their ego. But the child WANTS and NEEDS to connect to their parent, and will do anything to have it, so that means they will repress what the parent can't take, their inner feelings.
And the crazy thing is, society has made this normal. Everywhere you go you see pacifiers, and babies are applauded for "being a good baby"- when they do not cry much. Aletha Stolter says this is an indication many times of the baby learning that his mother will not answer his cries, so he learn to hold in the emotions perpetually. But, I have seen, if you look closely at a child who was raised with denial of his pain, they are sullen and have looks of a mature adult, having grown up and learned way too early to be able to "control" (I mean repress) feelings, totally bereft of any display of emotion. Even when you smile at them, they look away, as if rejecting companionship for being too trivial for their affairs.
Perhaps the most sad part is, that they are so disconnected from their parent by this time, learning not to trust them with their innermost wishes and desires. When they grow up, they will have to eventually face this lack in themselves, and when they do, it will blow up on their parent who caused it and they will shut down the relationship until they can learn to forgive the parent. And many times parents do not know or admit to their wrong, and they blame the child for his lack of self-awareness and attuning to his feelings.
Children can be difficult, but it is important to be aware that their feelings count, and if you can't handle them, at least one should be aware of that fact. Until they are, they will not be able to fully have a connection with their child, because a true connection is when both people allow their FULL selves to show up. When parents reject an aspect of their children's personality, such as their sadness, the child will feel like he cannot be himself, and reject it for the sake of connecting to the parent. He becomes a little robot, continuing to have to please everyone in order to feel "connected" to the rest of the people ignoring their emotions.
When did tears become so negative? Feelings are feelings, whether they are happy or angry or sad, It only becomes bad when the parent perceives it as wrong, thus making the child internalize this too. Then her whole life can be developed through running away from feeling such feelings, rendering her "numbing it out" whenever she comes across sadness. This is why we have so many people incapable of true empathy, because they balk at the thought of themselves feeling pain. They have to shut it down, and this carries to others in their lives. They can make other people feel CRAZY for having sadness and hurt, because they won't validate it.
Entrenched in denial of the sadness, pain, anger or rage, these people will use spiritual "tools" to justify their fragile sense of selves. Such as having to deny a child's pain by "punishing them" for "bad behavior" when they refuse to listen because they were hurt. Look in preschools and elementary schools, these are flooded with adults who deny the child's pain due to deciding they are rotten and spoiled when they throw tantrums or fight. They have not the faintest clue about emotions, and childhood psychology. They are responsible for every child's self esteem that they rip apart by their evil repression and lack of mercy.
It can lead to denial and eventual murder of the soul. The innocent, once pure, hopeful soul. The one that needs to be recognized and known for what it is. Unless the child is really strong and has an aware advocate for his mistreatment, he will shut down the part of him that was hurt and become intolerant of this emotion in others as well, continuing the cycle of wounding.
Abby Miller of Worldwide Self Hypnosis says in her newest video Old Souls and Autism of the Soul that people who have old souls that do not match up with outer stimulation of the world beat themselves into becoming a desired version of what the outside world expects. This is what I did. Eventually, they learn to let go of it because it is too hard, and be their "weird" selves. I remember always getting called weird and odd, and I felt it in my soul that I was different than the normal people my age. So whenever my "deep thoughts" showed, or were obvious, I shut down and pretended it was a fluke. But that doesn't help anyone, because they will find what they need from others anyway, so I might as well make myself happy. So I finally started becoming more like my inner world, and people who did not like it left me, just as I expected. She says that we can just TELL when people truly resonate with what we tell them, and it is painful when people deny not understanding just for the sake of pleasing us. I agree, and I learned when people did not truly understand and I point it out to them or leave it. But it doesn't matter to me, because I have gained so much more- self-respect. I could never hear myself out before this, and so I am now writing my story in effort to let my true self be heard. Not everyone will approve, many people will not like what I say, but that's okay because the one that matters most does resonate- and that is me.
Melanie Tonia Evans says in What is Trauma Consciousness? And How to Break Free From it that the pain trauma survivors go through actually get's stuck in their bodies, physically, and no matter how much they want to forget it and move on, the beliefs of deserving the abuse and it's damage keeps them stuck in attracting the same scenarios over and over. Until they are aware of this and get the pain up and out. That's why it is so important to talk about your pain and grief, and cry. You need to clear the trauma from your body.
I am no longer a "match" to people telling me how I need to feel or be, because they believe so. I realize that that is their unconscious wounds that they live with, and they suffer from thinking everyone else must think like them or else they are worthless. Because their true self and pain was shut down as children, they cannot face rejection again, to them, being true to your inner self is a sign of weakness, because they feel that pain and hurt makes a person weak. It is a sign of strength and healing to face your wounds.
Love,
An Adoptee On her Way
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