Foundation of Marriage

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          It hit me yesterday. I was always unsure of why my husband was attracted to me, it made no sense to me. I knew I was not confident in myself, and this affect how I saw myself and how I thought others saw me. So I would ask my husband hundreds of times what made him get so hot for me. I wanted to understand him. But yesterday I realized men are different.

         They are fully attracted to the physical part of the woman. People get offended by this, but it's true. What makes them STAY is the personality though. It just shocked me to think that he would actually get turned on exclusively from my physical appearance.

        For me, I need to be desired in order to get turned on, and I guess since I did not like myself it was hard to imagine myself as being desired in any way, shape, or form. My past turn ons have always been feeling self-negated and taken advantage of. This no longer resonates with me, and I left somewhere in between. Of not wanting to be used for someone else's pleasure and being eradicated, and wanted to be given full attention and pleasured for the sake of my own desirability.

       I heard that it is the foundation of a marriage that a man want to pleasure his wife, and not be selfish and use her for his own sexual appetite. That would be the ultimate. I wonder how many people actually experience it. I doubt women who constantly boast pictures of their sexiness for the public really feel that desirability from their husbands, because then why would they need other people to admire them and give them the satisfaction of feeling wanted?

        So long,
        An Adoptee

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