On Being Different
All my life I have feared being different. It was poison to my blood, I cringed and ducked at every possible exposure of who I was, or felt to be, inside.
This is important to talk about, because I have come to see that many people feel this fear, and it is widespread with trauma victims. We all have trauma, in different proportions, but we all share some shames that we walk around trying to hide like they are bright neon flag on our foreheads, obvious to everyone. The truth is. many times it is imaginary and only in our heads, and others wouldn't notice it if we wouldn't try so desperately to cover it up, making it even more apparent that something is there,
I am here to speak for adoptees, though, because this is what I know most of, as one myself. Adoptees, I feel, have a certain strange brand of this poisonous shame. From what I have seen by attending the group meetings and reading posts online of other adoptees. I have read and heard sentiments of feeling alone and isolated, like nobody can understand you, and shame for who you are. Betty Jean Lifton describes it in Lost and Found in Adoption as Adoptees as Aliens. She says we walk around feeling a se;nse of being an alien, and seeing others as living different worlds than us. When we encounter other adoptees, we get a sense of comradeship, like we are crazy together.
Understanding this has changed my life, and made it easier to accept that I'm ok the way I am. Knowledge is Power!
Love,
An Adoptee Heart
This is important to talk about, because I have come to see that many people feel this fear, and it is widespread with trauma victims. We all have trauma, in different proportions, but we all share some shames that we walk around trying to hide like they are bright neon flag on our foreheads, obvious to everyone. The truth is. many times it is imaginary and only in our heads, and others wouldn't notice it if we wouldn't try so desperately to cover it up, making it even more apparent that something is there,
I am here to speak for adoptees, though, because this is what I know most of, as one myself. Adoptees, I feel, have a certain strange brand of this poisonous shame. From what I have seen by attending the group meetings and reading posts online of other adoptees. I have read and heard sentiments of feeling alone and isolated, like nobody can understand you, and shame for who you are. Betty Jean Lifton describes it in Lost and Found in Adoption as Adoptees as Aliens. She says we walk around feeling a se;nse of being an alien, and seeing others as living different worlds than us. When we encounter other adoptees, we get a sense of comradeship, like we are crazy together.
Understanding this has changed my life, and made it easier to accept that I'm ok the way I am. Knowledge is Power!
Love,
An Adoptee Heart
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