Self Pride

-
           Not trusting yourself is questioning every decision you make. Being scared to move because you will not do well. Fear of getting hurt because you are so used to it, and scared of the pain you know you will feel in the disappointment of yourself.

          But life is meant to be fun. It is meant to be challenging in the best way possible. You wouldn't enjoy something if it didn't have a challenge, would you? If everything just came to you, you would get bored and keep wanting new experiences, until there was nothing new to get and boredom and jadedness of everything kicks in.

         So people have to work for their pleasure. The biggest pleasure is in the reward of effort. Everyone knows that love grows for things that you invest in, such as raising a child, and cultivating a relationship. Or investing your creativity in something.

       I used to be hard on myself for any work I did, telling myself it wasn't good enough, and my own voice was never enough. I needed more excitement, more material, more popular content. This was because I didn't believe in myself. Life was so much harder, and success happening seemed for solely for "others," which included anyone but me.

       I am hereby saying that everyone has a chance, and my voice is important. I do have talents lying in me, waiting to shine. And even if I do do something wrong, and mess up, it is not as scary.

        Because I am human, and humans make mistakes. I am acting more from my TRUE self, and I am no longer so ashamed of myself. Pete Gerlach says that a sign of being a Grown Wounded Child, meaning having wounds from abuse as a child, is excessive shame and guilt. I guess I am healing because I am slowly releasing shame from my system. It is am amazing feeling, and it feels like being in love- with myself. I feel like I can do anything. Well, almost anything. Anything I want to.

       Love,
       An Adoptee Soul
     

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Limbic Brain Flashbacks From Trauma

-
There is nothing without love. Life starts within the mother’s womb, where she and her child are one. She is all he knows, and he needs her to develop his emotional brain, until he can become an autonomous self. Therefore, why are the role of women so inferior in society? They basically make up a human’s development of skills, true self-worth (that they are loved by another person), and growth potential.  Nancy Verrier says in Coming Home to Self that the experiences we have during the first three years of life “play a big part in our overall attitudes and beliefs” (Page 382). Personally I felt beaten down a lot, in my emotional body and ability to use my strengths of giving love. I feel like a shadow of a person, in this world, my skills and worth invisible to myself and to everyone else. This has to do with my suffering from the primal wound of being relinquished from my biological mother, and then adopted when I was a few months old. Verrier states, “Severing of the bond with th
Read more

Daughter and Projection of Anxiety

-
My daughter was anxious as me when we got back. I wanted to write a whole letter to my Rabbi about the community ignorance of emotions, and she was not falling asleep. I was kind of on edge and finished it. Then she ran around the house and I made myself some food even though I snacked earlier. She started squishing the cherry tomatos, and I recognized that it was from her frustrated emotions so I said to her, "You're angry right?" And she delighted and repeated the word and squeezed some more on them with her fingers. I winced inside a bit from the waste, and tried to focus. It was good that I was trying to validate her a bit, unlike how I was never validated at all for my grief as a baby. But it was hard because I was stressed. Needed time to myself and yet she needed my attention... And I felt a spiral coming. I desperately tried to hold on to myself and her. My mind was telling me that she was needy and that I was doing a bad job. But my heart was screaming for focus
Read more

Who Are Adopted Children Really

-
          Is it any wonder that the adopted child feels so unreal. Journey of The Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton inspired me to think about this. Reading the first few chapters and so excited with it. It speaks to my soul and resonates, being truth to me. She said that no one romanticizes mothers more than adoptees. As a blind person who tries to imagine how the sun looks upon a flower, the adopted child never experienced their mother, so there is plenty to imagine in their minds what it means. True, and why I have a hard time understanding the concept of true belonging.        As my older also adopted sister told me, why am I sad about adoption? I should just be happy and apply the knowledge that it was for my good, and a wonderful thing that I was adopted because   she my birth mother could not take care of me properly for her life. She expected me to just not feel sad about that and deny all the pain and feelings of non-belonging and yearning for a place in the world all of
Read more