Adoptees and Genetic Markings

              Reading The Aware Baby by Aletha Solter on pages 9- 10, I was happy to see that bonding begins at conception, and the way the mother feels affects baby and studies show that added stress in the mother's body develops in the baby equally. This is why a mother is the ultimate caregiver for her baby, because she understands how her baby may be feeling due to her own feelings. I see it in my child, that she has the same stresses as me such as annoyance at not being able to sleep. Also the way she expresses herself- very subtly. This is very much how I act. I saw in my adoptive sister's kids that they are like her in being very involved in the practical world, and this is highly contrasted with how my daughter is. Our genes are more prone to focusing on our emotions in the moment, and having excitability and expression in movement. I saw it in my brother's baby videos as well. Also. We have sad forlorn looks on our faces as babies, as if we understand the way the world works. Old souls it seems. It amazes and unnerves me when I can anticipate my daughter's moves as if they are my own, like when I know she will wake up from a noise or when she will continue sleeping because she is in a deep state, like I do when I am sleeping and there is movement next to me. These are legit genetics passed down! Also, when she grunts and makes little noises when concentrating... I can see myself doing that, and my biological nephew also had that quirk when I met him as a baby, as well as the tendency to be spaced off in our own worlds. 

            This is making me excited to meet my birth Mother because I wonder if I will see these traits right away. I also wonder what our bond was like in prenatal stage, and a part of me feels she was loving toward me based on my feeling early signs of self love. That would be awesome to understand how I was conceived and affected by her personality and moods in the womb.

           I read in an adoptee blog called Living, laughing, whining... As a korean adoptee yesterday, in the post You know you're an adoptive mother when..., where she was critiquing an adoptive mother who wrote a list of things she feels made her different as parent than non adopters, that birth mothers are actually the ultimate mothers for their children and the fact that adoptive mother said love makes a family more than blood was plain ignorant. I did get mad that some adoptive mothers think that just because they love the child they adopt they can ignore the fact that they are not their biological mothers and that will cause their kid a lot of grief all their lives. It is just selfish and unfair. The full picture needs to be seen in order for there to be any hopes of joy for them. I also agreed with a comment where a woman said that she is connected to her adopted child and her grief is shared by her as well, and she won't ever let that be taken away from her no matter what the child chooses to do or say in their grief. That is a true sign of unconditional love- knowing that there is belonging in the other person's space no matter what happens.