Aware Parenting and Attachment Play

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           When I became a mother, I was thinking that from here on I had to entertain my kid and make sure she was never lonely, because that would mean i didn't care. Every time she looked blankly around, I assumed she was upset and quickly jumped in to pay her a nod of recognition and words to show my interest. I realized now, through an aware parenting helper, that I need to let her run her life more. I am relieved because it freed me of self doubt and worry of her, and helped our relationship tremendously as I now see her as an autonomous human being that has a mind of her own. She helps me see what she needs through her expressions, and she shows up to me more.

           I guess it comes from my own insecurity about how she didn't feel seen because I subconsciously felt people were not seen unless acknowledged. It's a codependent mindset, and I think of all the times were people who are codependent talk without really seeing the other's side, and just to feel validated that they have a self/ voice. It's sad that I still feel that way sometimes. But my intuition was still right about her in that she needed extra care and desire to be held, and I am glad I implemented it. I have been doing more of letting her take the wheel, and now U just watch her for cues. For example when I watched her play, she seemed antsy and threw the toy aggressively and I noticed that she was expressing feelings. And they didn't only have to come out through crying, because her body isn't always ready for that. It is a relief not to push her to cry anymore. I am following her example more, and I see she is visibly calmer and falls asleep pretty well with my rocking. I think I will wait till she is ready to fall asleep on her own, maybe with the trauma out of her body a little more. 

         Love,
        Adoptee as Parent 

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