Disassociation

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         Disassociation is a good thing sometimes. My daughter disassociates when her pain is too strong and she cannot cry in the moment because she is in public and I cannot pay attention to her. I disassociated as a kid when my birth mom left me never to be in her care again, and I was alone with no one to rely on. I understand that that must have been too scary for me to have stayed present in that place. I must have felt terror and shock. Disassociation helps survival, but it also means that they lost the ability to stay present in the situation. It can continue into their lives when they are triggered by similar situations.

           I get triggered when she cries and pushes me away because she can't take the pain and is not used to crying. I don't know how I will be able to comfort her. I feel myself wanting to run away. 

         The times that I can feel is when I am relaxed and at peace with myself. When I know that I'm good and don't have a million more things to do to prove my worth in the world.

           God only gives us what we can handle, so the better we get, the harder our challenges get. Since I am aware of my daughters emotions, I feel this is a big challenge for me to deal with them.

         I just saw a big bug, and I only see those when I am down and having a hard time that day and I am not being productive.

         So long,
         A Sad Adoptee

      


      

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