Empathy The Healing Power
Yay for Lisa A. Romano! She came out with a lovely video once again, and I bask in her greatness. Empathy The Emotion That Heals- What You Need Yo Know really touched and validated my feelings and stormy bewilderment inside today. She said that Empathy is the real healer, and she used to not know what it really meant when she was unaware and below the veil of consciousness. She came to realize that people who came from childhoods where they were unseen, do not know how to be truly empathetic because no one saw their pain, so they were disconnected from it. When her friend's little son died, and he had the same name as her own son who was the same age, she really felt her friend's pain. It was so overwhelming, because she could truly feel what it was like to lose him, that she couldn't stay in the feeling for long. But she was able to REALLY be there for her friend, and it was the best feeling for her. People who cannot stay in your feeling are not having true empathy, it is just sympathy because they cannot know what it actually feels like.
People who come from childhoods where their pain was not seen, become disconnected from that pain. They do not know how to feel it, and can only see it if it was not them that it happened to. So they can feel bad for someone in a story that went through it, but not for themselves. The only way they can feel empathy for themselves is if it is validated and SEEN by others. Therefore, they need others to show them what they went through to make it valid. I love this because it resonates with me, I look back on my life and cannot feel bad for myself because it was never seen. It is especially common in adoptees to feel unseen in their pain, so they disown that part of themselves from early on, and it can make their lives have an unreal quality to it. I feel this every day, where I have to ask myself where why anger is from because it is so hidden and when triggered I can not see it. Parents have to validate their kids' feelings in order for them to feel seen. If not, they will need to have it seen later on in life or else they will be numb to those feelings.
She says our systems are meant to feel for others, because when we hear they go through something painful, we wince inside. The reason we cannot feel these days is because many of us are so disconnected from our own feelings. So we are disconnected from other people's. It is against our nature. We all have light inside us, and sometimes we are unaware of it because it was snuffed out by our parents not seeing us.
Love, Always,
An Adoptee Heart
People who come from childhoods where their pain was not seen, become disconnected from that pain. They do not know how to feel it, and can only see it if it was not them that it happened to. So they can feel bad for someone in a story that went through it, but not for themselves. The only way they can feel empathy for themselves is if it is validated and SEEN by others. Therefore, they need others to show them what they went through to make it valid. I love this because it resonates with me, I look back on my life and cannot feel bad for myself because it was never seen. It is especially common in adoptees to feel unseen in their pain, so they disown that part of themselves from early on, and it can make their lives have an unreal quality to it. I feel this every day, where I have to ask myself where why anger is from because it is so hidden and when triggered I can not see it. Parents have to validate their kids' feelings in order for them to feel seen. If not, they will need to have it seen later on in life or else they will be numb to those feelings.
She says our systems are meant to feel for others, because when we hear they go through something painful, we wince inside. The reason we cannot feel these days is because many of us are so disconnected from our own feelings. So we are disconnected from other people's. It is against our nature. We all have light inside us, and sometimes we are unaware of it because it was snuffed out by our parents not seeing us.
Love, Always,
An Adoptee Heart
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