Listen To Tears To Validate Another Person

Tears are a luxury. For the babies who can get away with crying because they don't know better. But adult babies, who never got their tears heard, are expected to be strong and put their trust in God. That there is a reason for their pain. That that's life, there's good and bad, DEAL with it. 

But for some it's harder to just trust in God when they are struck with a tragic situation. They need to hear their feelings first, before they could just move on.

For the ones who have hurts built upon hurts, and never got heard so took the blame for the hurt that was done to them, or the ones who suffered something so great and nobody was there for them, nobody acknowledged their pain, they remain in isolation. Alone to deal with the overwhelm of pain that does not seem real because it is not validated in the outside world, so they beat themselves up for having it. It gets buried because of the shame, and the need to feel accepted. To have social needs met, because we all need to belong. But this takes the true feelings away and the person is left with numbness. And raw, real grief that is waiting to be seen.

That's where crying comes in. It is important to be able to cry in front of people who care and want to hear about it. So one can feel normal and accept their tragedy eventually. With help of their fellows.  The thing is, if no body wants to hear it, it will never be able to be seen and will linger on in the person. Until they explode. Everyone has a threshold for how much they can take. Once it is overfilled, they will go mentally insane. Just like what happened to my biological mother. She was adopted and nobody acknowledged her feelings, and she disassociated from herself. As she told me, "Mother told me to make friends so I did." As if her life was no longer in her hands. She left me in the hospital even though she wanted to keep me, because the court ruled that she was unfit to raise her child. She had "no choice." This woman no longer felt like the owner of her own life. 

People who cannot stand to hear a baby cry are not in touch with their emotions. They want every feeling of pain shut down. Because to them pain is Bad, it indicates that there is no hope for good. Exactly how they felt when nobody listened to them cry, so they cannot hear it with their own kid. They disown that part of their child, and their child learns to do the same.

But tears help get over the pain. So why not just listen? That validates another person and helps them feel heard and like the pain is normal. If it is ignored, they won't feel normal and will have to feel their true selves are not normal and will never feel belonging in other's space. Can lead to self-repression and suicide.

I tried it when i got nervous with my daughter's tears. I realized I was not thinking about her. So I thought about how she felt, and it hurt. But I let her feelings flow, because she had to have them heard. She felt more relaxed and comfortable in my space. I also realized that I was being blocked from her pain because of how I was feeling. Inside, I had overwhelming sadness and feeling unheard from being left by my birth mother in the hospital, so I let my tears go. It felt endless, and at one point I just ran into my husband's arms for validation. He held me as I cried and cried, releasing the hurt inside. I asked him why G-d had to make something so awful happen to me, and have in shape what I felt about myself all my life. He said we don't know, and was there in my sadness with me. It meant the world to me. I no longer felt so numb, and felt slightly like I was more real.