My Hologram

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I feel sick with grief and sadness. Pain that runs through my blood like electricity, slowly killing me. I don't understand why I don't understand. I don't know why I can't help my daughter. I don't know why she suffers so much. I want to scream it makes no sense and it hurts so much. I just want a quick fix someone to understand my pain and validate me. Why do I have all this pain? Will it ever go away? Why am I so repressed? Why am I such an awful person? Why am I so bad? Why do I want everything my way? Why do I want my life at my fingertips? Why can't I have it? Why does everything seem to spin out of my grasp the minute I get it? Why do I end up showing up looking like a disturbed child in a woman's body? Why am I so illiterate? What is this world? Why can't I get through to my daughter? Why can't I stand to see her shut off? Why does it scare me so? Why do I feel like I can't handle it? Why don't I love myself? Why doesn't my mother see me? Why doesn't anyone understand what I do? What I know. That I am so numb and hurt from my mistreatment, and the world is so misunderstanding of child care. And religion. Why can't they appear to be one and the same? Why does religion seem to shun loving care? Why do people not understand it? Why do I seem alone in these questions? Why do I hate my ego so much? Oh dear G-d please help me and save my soul from my sickness.

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