Narcissists live in Perpetual Fear
Narcissists cannot carry their fear alone, they need people to help them carry it. They use others foe their emotional dumping ground, and need to drag others to their level.
This, from Understanding Narcissism YouTube channel's video Why You're Stronger Than Narcissists and Emotionally Abusive People Who Torment You Every Day, has been my experience with narcissistic friends from the past. He says they know you are strong and don't know it, so they need you to be a rock for their craziness inside. They take your vulnerability and self-doubt, and exploit it by emphasizing that you are nothing to get you to doubt yourself more, so that you are stuck with not leaving them. They KNOW they are awful, but if they get you to feel awful about yourself too they know you won't leave. However their biggest fear, that you WILL leave them, terrifies them and that is why they have to constantly monitor your emotions to be down in order not to wake up and see that they are sh!t, excuse my language. He says you are so strong inside, and the reason you have a hard time seeing it is because you were not brought up knowing it was okay to feel good about yourself, so you've capitalized your problems. Your humility is there, and that comes from the not being sure about anything about yourself, and knowing your vulnerabilities. But that is exactly what the narcissist preys on because they they have all this fear inside that they are unaware of sometimes, and they need to have relationships based on this fear that the other will leave. It is their lifestyle, always being in fear of rejection.
I have seen this clearly in my last narcissistic bestie, when she was falling apart because I was done with her behaviors, and she told me hysterically that I would make "The worst parent" because I could do this to her. Meaning, leave her because she hurt me so much by never admitting her wrongdoing, and I had to play along that she was always right when I felt so beat down. So when I answered her that, "YOU would also make a terrible mother because of how you treated me," She said seriously, "I never claimed I would make a good one." This was the last straw, because the truth was out in the open and there was nothing left to BS me with. She was a horrible person and was admitting to it. Nearly two months later, after we stopped communicating and I sent her one letter explaining my feelings and begging for an apology or explanation, which she denied and told me I was making the whole thing up because I wanted to "blame her," She admonished me that I was being selfish by not forgiving her, when she never admitted to her wrongdoing, and told me I was a terrible person who wanted to stay "stuck in the past." I told her I could not forgive her if she didn't admit to anything she did.
How stupid are narcissists. They carry around so much baggage that they do not acknowledge, and expect everyone to be just as down and hopeless as them. I remember the few times I had opportunities to make my life better, such as by dating a nice guy, or being positive about religion. and she shot me down, scoffing and being sarcastic that it "wasn't me." One time, I tried telling he about my feelings from being adopted and my childhood, explaining how it still affected me now, ad she said, "I know what you're trying to do, but I don't believe it, because you're just trying to make yourself feel better." It hurt because she was basically blaming me for my sadness.
She blew up over every little thing I did that made her feel small, such as saying a quick hello and greetings to a coworker on the street while I was walking with her, and walked away from me saying she was "Done" with me and I was not a good friend. After I thought we had this whole connection because we told each other everything about our lives. We we're friends based on our insecurities about our families, looking back, and I always felt a hopelessness in her presence, like she walked around with a cloud of doom over her. Any time I said something positive, or tried to be open and communicative. she shut me down and it was to no avail. When I got engaged, she yelled at me to stop talking about my fiance because "You KNOW it makes me jealous." By then, I was so flabbergasted that she still thought I was trying to one up her, when I just wanted her to share my happiness. But nothing ever worked, and she was NEVER happy for me unless it involved her happiness. What a narcissist. I am soo glad I am not friends with her anymore, now I am in reality more, that your close ones are SUPPOSED to lift you up and not make you feel never good enough.
I did everything she wanted, and tried everything to make her happy. I stayed up till 4 a.m. writing HER college paper on VACATION together, and still felt she didn't value me. Only after a fight a while later, she told me that "BTW I got an A in that class because of the paper you wrote." It was probably to win me back, to show that she appreciated me. They give you crumbs to draw you back. but when they see they have you they abuse you. Because I remember one time, when we fought, and then she got me to pity her by saying she was going through hell because of a breakup, and I said I would come over to help her feel better, she stopped sharing anything with me and became all disinterested again.
So long
This, from Understanding Narcissism YouTube channel's video Why You're Stronger Than Narcissists and Emotionally Abusive People Who Torment You Every Day, has been my experience with narcissistic friends from the past. He says they know you are strong and don't know it, so they need you to be a rock for their craziness inside. They take your vulnerability and self-doubt, and exploit it by emphasizing that you are nothing to get you to doubt yourself more, so that you are stuck with not leaving them. They KNOW they are awful, but if they get you to feel awful about yourself too they know you won't leave. However their biggest fear, that you WILL leave them, terrifies them and that is why they have to constantly monitor your emotions to be down in order not to wake up and see that they are sh!t, excuse my language. He says you are so strong inside, and the reason you have a hard time seeing it is because you were not brought up knowing it was okay to feel good about yourself, so you've capitalized your problems. Your humility is there, and that comes from the not being sure about anything about yourself, and knowing your vulnerabilities. But that is exactly what the narcissist preys on because they they have all this fear inside that they are unaware of sometimes, and they need to have relationships based on this fear that the other will leave. It is their lifestyle, always being in fear of rejection.
I have seen this clearly in my last narcissistic bestie, when she was falling apart because I was done with her behaviors, and she told me hysterically that I would make "The worst parent" because I could do this to her. Meaning, leave her because she hurt me so much by never admitting her wrongdoing, and I had to play along that she was always right when I felt so beat down. So when I answered her that, "YOU would also make a terrible mother because of how you treated me," She said seriously, "I never claimed I would make a good one." This was the last straw, because the truth was out in the open and there was nothing left to BS me with. She was a horrible person and was admitting to it. Nearly two months later, after we stopped communicating and I sent her one letter explaining my feelings and begging for an apology or explanation, which she denied and told me I was making the whole thing up because I wanted to "blame her," She admonished me that I was being selfish by not forgiving her, when she never admitted to her wrongdoing, and told me I was a terrible person who wanted to stay "stuck in the past." I told her I could not forgive her if she didn't admit to anything she did.
How stupid are narcissists. They carry around so much baggage that they do not acknowledge, and expect everyone to be just as down and hopeless as them. I remember the few times I had opportunities to make my life better, such as by dating a nice guy, or being positive about religion. and she shot me down, scoffing and being sarcastic that it "wasn't me." One time, I tried telling he about my feelings from being adopted and my childhood, explaining how it still affected me now, ad she said, "I know what you're trying to do, but I don't believe it, because you're just trying to make yourself feel better." It hurt because she was basically blaming me for my sadness.
She blew up over every little thing I did that made her feel small, such as saying a quick hello and greetings to a coworker on the street while I was walking with her, and walked away from me saying she was "Done" with me and I was not a good friend. After I thought we had this whole connection because we told each other everything about our lives. We we're friends based on our insecurities about our families, looking back, and I always felt a hopelessness in her presence, like she walked around with a cloud of doom over her. Any time I said something positive, or tried to be open and communicative. she shut me down and it was to no avail. When I got engaged, she yelled at me to stop talking about my fiance because "You KNOW it makes me jealous." By then, I was so flabbergasted that she still thought I was trying to one up her, when I just wanted her to share my happiness. But nothing ever worked, and she was NEVER happy for me unless it involved her happiness. What a narcissist. I am soo glad I am not friends with her anymore, now I am in reality more, that your close ones are SUPPOSED to lift you up and not make you feel never good enough.
I did everything she wanted, and tried everything to make her happy. I stayed up till 4 a.m. writing HER college paper on VACATION together, and still felt she didn't value me. Only after a fight a while later, she told me that "BTW I got an A in that class because of the paper you wrote." It was probably to win me back, to show that she appreciated me. They give you crumbs to draw you back. but when they see they have you they abuse you. Because I remember one time, when we fought, and then she got me to pity her by saying she was going through hell because of a breakup, and I said I would come over to help her feel better, she stopped sharing anything with me and became all disinterested again.
So long
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