Push and Pull Intimacy Game, Let Them Cry

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The Aware Baby, pages 51-52: When your baby is a toddler and seems to resist being held in your arms while crying, let her go. See what happens. If she comes back, clinging to you, it shows she may not be ready to let go and needs to cry. Sometimes babies need resistance to push against, "Struggling against a stronger force is sometimes a necessary part of the stress release process." Struggling this way is sometimes necessary to help him work through the emotions of birth trauma, where he felt out of control. She says you can help them by showing that no matter what they do you still love them and are there. 

My daughter constantly pushes me away and then clings back to me. She definitely is trying to gain control that she lost in the birth process. 

This is also interesting because I read today that adopted children will fight their adoptive parents worse than anything other would imagine, because of their mistrust from their trauma. They are the best manipulators and charmers to others outside, and no one can believe what horror these kids are up to inside the house. They are constantly beating up on their parents because of what they went through, and the adoptive parent wrote how it's only through staying with them despite their behaviors that will truly gain their trust and love. 

This is exactly what I do in my own life, having been adopted as a newborn. I push and pull those closest to me, it is truly a nightmare to be in relationship with me. I can switch my on and off button at the turn of a clock, when one thing sets me off and all my vows of love and affection turn sour. I am off threatening cutoffs and diminishing the other person like they are worthless. I truly have so much hate for them, especially when they come clinging to me expecting me to see their goodness. I see only blind rage and find their pleading weak and annoying. In those moments, I have only one thought- that the world is against me and have to give up to spite them. The only proper response to me in these critical times would be to understand where I am coming from, and know that it is not really what I want to be feeling, and make it known to me that it is unacceptable to hurt them and they are walking away until I calm down. Then I would listen eventually, and go back to them. I just need to know that no matter what I do I am not going to be given up on, or that they don't NEED me to act perfect and I can be in my emotions and not turn them away or cause them to want to change how I feel. People just need to be able to get out the stress sometimes. The healthiest way is to feel the negative energy and understand where it's coming from.

So it comes down to not giving up on the emotional world of the child, and also the adults who struggle with fragmented parts due to having lost trust in humanity.

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