Babies Need To Be Mirrored and What that means to Me

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I am so grateful for my birth father. It was so wonderful to talk to him on the phone again tonight. I learned a lot about his family, such as where I get my talents from. His sister is good at drawing and they all dance. My brother and I do too. They love music too. When I told him my brother and sister, his children too, do not want to talk about adoption, he fully understood and said that it would be too much to face. He said I turned out so wonderful and he was so happy. I make a difference to him. He kept saying that he wanted to keep us but the city got us. He doesn't know what happened. When I said I was not always happy in my life he reacted with sadness, and wanted me to be happy. I understood. He wanted to think he did the best he could. He kept praising my parents, and was shocked to hear that I did not exactly have the best relationship with my mom. He truly felt bad that my brother was so depressed. He said it comes from our birth mom, because he didn't have any depression or anything. He told me I was one of them, their family. I was thrilled. I was part of a family! He was happy to hear that I was happy with my birth parents, because they are humble and kind. He also said he is very easygoing, and I am too. He said his life was great except for losing us, and I was surprised. He said I look very good, put together and intelligent. I told him he did too, and he said nah he wasn't. I had to tell him I disagreed, and then I told him he had low self esteem so how could he tell me that I shouldn't? He said he wanted to visit where we live, even though it is very busy. I was thrilled with the idea. He has a friend nearby. But we might be moving, and he agreed that it was a good idea. I told him about my brother's extra sensitivity, and how he gets angry and doesn't want to heat about our biological parents, and he said to just leave it he'll be okay when he wants to talk about it. I felt gratitude and helped.

I noticed that I so need that mirroring of who I am, and he gave it to me and I feel very fulfilled. I also saw that he needed approval too, and felt good that I helped him feel better about losing us to adoption. When I said he looked good, and I was proud to have him as a parent. I felt wonderful when he said I looked great, and turned out great and he is happy with me. It's interesting to see how egotistical and needy people can be when they are missing their infant age care.But when they get it they can move on and see others and help others. Until then I am stuck in needing to be seen and validated. Religion can seem to be against it so much, but I believe that a person has to acknowledge their needs and not shame it. It is a need, no way around it.

I now understand that children and infants are truly like little adults, in that they need attention for who they are. They just happen to not know how to do so much on their own.

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