Baby Coach Teaching Me Importance Of Helping Child Deal With Emotions, Who Is In Constant Sympathetic Arousal
Anne, my daughter and I's parenting/ baby coach/ Aka the Baby Calmer, taught me how to be a container for my daughter's emotions without overpowering her. I hold her loving and carry the base of her neck, and the base of where her tailbone of her spine is. Then, I make a base for her flailing legs to kick off, and push all her energy into when needed. Which is a lot lol. She guided me through the Skype session, and watched as my daughter stared into my eyes and I held her gaze lovingly. She was very impressed with me, and the way I seemed to be really concerned about my baby's feelings and state. She told me so, and I felt soo good to hear that. It is rare that I get to see how I am with my daughter, so much nerves surround me always.
She said in order to be there for my daughter's nervous system, I need to first regulate my own. SO I need to stop the overwhelming guilt every time I get nervous with her and cannot deal with her. She feels that, and it discombobulates her system too. Isn't it amazing how babies of 12 months can truly pick up on what you say and begin to understand your patterns of working? Human beings are amazing. We do not give our abilities to see other's states and get affected by them enough credit. At least I don't. Lol.
She also said something that shook me to the core. She said STUDIES show that babies and kids up until mid teens or so, do not know how to regulate their emotions, and are in sympathetic arousal, and so they need their PARENTS to show them how to do it. This is for all those people who think you can spoil babies and children by being THERE for their emotional NEEDS. When they cry or get frustrated, it is NOT A WANT to be heard, it is actually a NEED. Emotional connection and awareness is a need for babies and children. :) All those babies that we see that can fall asleep on their own, after "crying it out" (Oooh boils my blood), are actually just frozen in their emotions, and lost a part of themselves. That's why they become docile. Like lifeless dolls. I feel that's what happened to me, which is why I am so dis regulated till this day. I am still trying to be calmed from an imaginary "Mother."
She said it's also okay to put loving limits on your baby if she is preventing you from functioning properly and you need a break, by GENTLY telling her, "Uh uh uh- Mommy needs you to not touch that," or something of the like for whatever you need her to do. I love this, because it sets boundaries instead of the parent suppressing their feelings and developing resentment for their child, whom they come to view as powerful over them, and the child feels that too, and start acting that way. This causes a child to be "spoiled." Because they feel their control over the parent, and adapt to being that way because it is what they were "taught." Therefore, It's important to be firm, and loving at the same time. :)
Cheerio
She said in order to be there for my daughter's nervous system, I need to first regulate my own. SO I need to stop the overwhelming guilt every time I get nervous with her and cannot deal with her. She feels that, and it discombobulates her system too. Isn't it amazing how babies of 12 months can truly pick up on what you say and begin to understand your patterns of working? Human beings are amazing. We do not give our abilities to see other's states and get affected by them enough credit. At least I don't. Lol.
She also said something that shook me to the core. She said STUDIES show that babies and kids up until mid teens or so, do not know how to regulate their emotions, and are in sympathetic arousal, and so they need their PARENTS to show them how to do it. This is for all those people who think you can spoil babies and children by being THERE for their emotional NEEDS. When they cry or get frustrated, it is NOT A WANT to be heard, it is actually a NEED. Emotional connection and awareness is a need for babies and children. :) All those babies that we see that can fall asleep on their own, after "crying it out" (Oooh boils my blood), are actually just frozen in their emotions, and lost a part of themselves. That's why they become docile. Like lifeless dolls. I feel that's what happened to me, which is why I am so dis regulated till this day. I am still trying to be calmed from an imaginary "Mother."
She said it's also okay to put loving limits on your baby if she is preventing you from functioning properly and you need a break, by GENTLY telling her, "Uh uh uh- Mommy needs you to not touch that," or something of the like for whatever you need her to do. I love this, because it sets boundaries instead of the parent suppressing their feelings and developing resentment for their child, whom they come to view as powerful over them, and the child feels that too, and start acting that way. This causes a child to be "spoiled." Because they feel their control over the parent, and adapt to being that way because it is what they were "taught." Therefore, It's important to be firm, and loving at the same time. :)
Cheerio
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