Desire

We all want to be spiritual so badly. We want to feel connected to God, and His high and mightiness. But that is often our downfall. The fact that we want it so bad, but are not ready for it. We lie to ourselves and tell ourselves we are ready, but then stumble on our two feet while trying to get closer. This is because our heart is not really up to it. We still have human desires, and human needs. We are attached to the ground by our animalistic drives, our egos telling us we need to serve them.

But if you really look deeply at yourself, you can find a burning wish to have something. It is soo strong, it just wants to take everything down with it and run. It wants and wants so deeply, that it does not let you rest. The minute you think you are done, and satisfied, it wakes you right up like ice over your head, and does not let you rest. The moment you think you have all the pleasure you need, it comes knocking and hungers for your action to satiate it.

But you know what? That's why we're all here. On this planet. On this earth. Made from this very earthly material. It is to grab everything we have and turn it to our true love. Our very selves inside of us. It is something much more powerful than our egos and temporary bodily pleasures, it encompasses all of that. It is the love for our creator. The strong desire to understand and be with our creator. To understand how He works, to be on TOP of the world looking in. Seeing the earthly happening, but KNOWING why they are they way they are. Being better than just physical actions and experiences. Being GODLY ourselves. That is what we all truly want. Us humans experiencing this world we live on.

We are humans because we are above all the other species on the planet. We are human because we have the ability to think comprehensively, and discern between many different perspectives, and also are able to act instinctively to be alive. Animals do not have the brain we have, angels do not have the body we have. We have both sides, so it is up to us which one we will follow- the angelic way or the animalistic way? That is our choice, and precisely what God is testing us with. He is watching, as we either make a mockery out of ourselves by failing to use our brain's vast and incredible power and acting instinctive as our lead, or we are using our brilliant brains to master over our base tendacies who try to bring us to be purely earthly. 

How are we going to master the test to become Godly and spiritual, as our Godly soul yearns? How to discern all the desires inside and pick the one you really want? The one that will at least get you to where you want eventually, even if it looks like you do not want it now? All these twists and turns, things that fuel your earthly desires, tricking you into thinking it will help you be happy... How can a human know what will help him conquer his animalistic heart and soul, if he is biased in his desire to follow it? 

We need each other. But even one another cannot be trusted to really help each other follow clearly the right path. Because we are all humans, with the destructive desire to serve our egos. Which may or may not be truly good for us in the end. 

The minute you want to be spiritual, your heart soars but your ego jumps in and says what's in it for me? Don't you forget me, I'm part of you... You need me to life. And the fight begins. If you could just have one thing that tells you you are doing good, keep going, it would definitely lift you up and help you have confidence in yourself. So you can keep conquering animalistic drives that keep you falling to earthly pleasures. The more you stay strong and do Godly actions, the more confidence in yourself you will have that you can do it. Proof is there because you did it before.

Since you want it so much, your animalistic side convinces you that you are there already, and have it. Now you can rest. It's not true, you can never rest because that's when you fall. But the ego is scared of failure, it wants to believe it is perfect. It doesn't want to feel dependent on anything. It doesn't trust, because it was betrayed in the past and is scared of falling, being destroyed. You need to talk to it, coax it that you won't leave it, you are just doing this for yourself. Hey, we can still be friends, and together, I still love you and you can have a place in this too. And then give it whatever it needs to feel safe. Such as, dressing yourself well and having others see you in a good light by the actions you take to fulfill your spirit. It is just like a little kid learning how to walk, the mother smiles encouragingly and he knows he will be supported if he falls. Trust means everything in order for him to succeed. Same with us, our egos need to trust us that we'll still hold them when we go out into the spiritual world to take a step up. Not to jump and violently cut off from the ego, that'll never work and it will cut you all the way back down.