Frustration At The Enablers

          I'm sick of the enabling of terrible behavior, at the expense of your own emotional health. My mother has been doing it for years, and it causes extreme crazy-making to my whole family. She is weak and a sheep following the herd, she cannot even recognize that he is doing it on purpose, and is harming us all. It is insanity. I am sick of it. She worships badly behaving people in order to keep the peace, but i think deep down it is because she feels she has no right to do good for herself. She hides behind the excuse that, "G-d forgives us so we must forgive and continue to give to others," but I think she is truly lost in what she herself feels and wants. She is weak and defenseless, letting everything carry on around her with false grace. I am ranting because it makes me mad, and causes me to feel helpless too. I see her acting that way, and feel crazy because she is older and supposedly wiser in life so who am I to be appose to her way of acting? To have ANGER and frustrations with my childlike father? To feel hurt and cheated of having a MAN to look up in my life growing up? Instead, to watch a whiny, temper-throwing, lying, materialistic, name-calling, impatient, dogmatic man fill the position of being the man of the house, while making everyone around him do all the hard work. I grew up believing this was what a man was, and even more unfortunate to my brother, who had him to look "up" to in identifying with being one. And my mother still claims we all have to cater to him and "let him say what he says," because we don't want to get him angry. This still almost makes sense to me, and it makes me angry that I can relate to her beliefs. They are false, and we have the RIGHT to be angry and sad and feel cheated on in having a father like this in life. She says things like, "He was perfectly wonderful when you kids were little, he did everything perfectly right," and "He loved you the best way he could," and "We have to take what we get in life." This may all be true logically, but I wonder if she feels any of the emotions that this situation should illicit, or if she is just ashamed of having negative feelings towards people. I wonder exactly how she grew up, and if her parents we're as perfect and altruistic as she and everyone makes them out to be, and my grandfather, her father, is as respectful and calm as he always looks when we see him. Granted, he is distant and always watching from the outside, but I wonder if he ever TRULY LOST it at his kids when they made mistakes, and caused them to feel rejected and worthless. Because THAT would explain a lot. Or if emotions ever boil within his warm and content exterior, and he feels anger and annoyance at those around him.  I'm done.