Genetic Sensual Attraction- A Continuation of The Bonding That Was Stopped?

          I was reading up about Genetic Sexual Attraction, and I prefer to call it Sensual Attraction. It really freaked me out, how a woman chose to act on it when she met her father for the first time after 12 years, and since she was about 4, and sh went on to have a real relationship with him and they are now getting married. It was disgusting to me, and it shows how people who act on their desires without using their logic can come to do really messed up things. And she also described about how her mother was bipolar and had two divorces, and two different children from each man, and how she had a tight ship on her and did not let her have any relationships with boys, and had her Facebook password and prevented her from receiving her father's first contacts. This probably contributed to her low self-esteem, and need to attach to her father, and have a really enmeshed and inappropriate relationship with him. She describes how she and him did everything together, and seemed to live in pure bliss together. It seemed she was idealizing him, and him her because they both wanted to feel loved. She even told him that she did not like when he went outside, because she was scared he would abandon her like the last time he did from her subconscious, and so he did not go outside when she was around. It just seemed like too much, and made me wonder about how imperative child-parent bonds are at the young age of the child, and if they do not get it met, the child will grow up still trying to fulfill it by becoming enmeshed and dependent on other's for self-regulation and self-worth.

          I was careful to recognize the attraction between myself and my birth father when I met him, and felt an immediate pull to him when I saw our similarities. I was feeling mirrored of who I was, and it was exhilarating. I know the logic behind it, it just means that I want to feel loved by my birth father, and I never felt that love before so it is just my mind feeling the strong feelings of love and infantile need for special attention. Since adoptees and people who go through a trauma often get stuck in the emotional age that their trauma took place until it is able to heal, I am still like a child waiting to be held and loved by her parents. I realize that, and it has made me aware of my own daughter's need for the same thing. I feel intimidated by the task of giving it to her because it is expounded on much more now that I saw it come to the surface. I constantly fretted the past few days when she seemed lonely and attention-seeking. It frightened me, and re traumatized me a bit. I was too hard on myself for it. But I do think now more than ever that it is soo important for parents to recognize this very valid need of children to have mirroring of who they are, and their lovableness by their parents. Because it truly makes them who they will turn out to be in their adulthood. Lovable, or seeking to fill that void of un-lovableness.